


Drown

by Chowy



Series: Falling In Love With You [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Growing Relationships, Hurt and comfort, Isabella has a crush on Phineas shh, M/M, One-sides relationship, Self-Harm, Suicide, drown, phineas and ferb - Freeform, phinferb, phinferb is the main otp here, there is a lot of characters and hashtags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:31:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chowy/pseuds/Chowy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had been gone for sixteen years. Sixteen years and Phineas had forgotten his face, his name, why he left. But the night he turned sixteen, his mom got a call. His dad, Rick, was coming back. </p><p>Now, Phineas is drowing. He's drowning in his head, in his loneliness, in his hatred. He takes it out on himself, in his inventions. While his father tries to get closer, Phineas pushes him away.</p><p>Ferb is trying to fix his broken brother, trying to repair his shattered soul, while in the meantime, tailoring an unbreaking relationship between them. </p><p>But their family is falling apart, Lawrence and Rick are fighting every night, his mom caught in between, and Phineas finds himself standing on a bridge between heaven and hell, ready to jump.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter's Coming

Fifteen years of age and he had never had a negative outlook on life. He was positive, optimistic and ripe with good energy and a solid vibe for life. 

That night was his sixteenth birthday. It was the way he wanted it, in a local diner, surrounded by his main family of mom, sister, step-dad (Whom he really didn't see as a step-dad, it was just, 'dad) and of course, his step-brother, (Who was the same as his dad. Just his brother). 

"Alright sweetie, this one's from your father and I, read the card first," his mom said. 

"'Kay mom," He said. He took the orange bag and took the envelope sitting on the loose paper. He tour the envelope with his thumb and took the card out. 

"For a special son, happy sixteenth birthday," He read allowed. He opened the card, a perfect smile on his face. A check slid out, but he didn't look at it till after he read all the card. 

"Phineas, you're a smart and talented young man, we're so proud of you. Love, mom and dad, d'aw thanks guys!" He said. He glanced at the check. It was for one hundred dollars. He tucked the check back within the card, and put it on the table. He then opened the bag. 

Inside was a few new shirts, and on the very bottom, a set of wireless headphones. 

"Are these the ones I pointed out to you at the mall?" He asked, almost a bit too amazed. 

"I managed to get them when they were on sale and you were busy repairing Perry's food-bowl. Remember when I said I needed to run some errands?" She asked. 

Phineas nodded. He remembered when Perry had somehow managed to crack his plastic bowl, and he spent an hour or so fixing it, while his mom ran out to run errands. 

"I love them, thank you guys so much!" He said. He gently placed the headphones back in their box, and put them in the bag, under the shirts. 

"Since Ferb's probably going to want to go last, here," Candace said. She slid a white envelope towards him. 

"Sorry it's not much, but I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got you that," Candace said. 

 

"Naw, it's cool! It's awesome!" Phineas said as he flipped open the card. "To my extra special, extra cool brother, use it wisely." He saw a fifty dollar Visa gift-card. 

"Candace I love it! I can use it at the hardware store," he said. He looked up. "It's perfect Candace, thank you so much!" Candace nodded. She looked up. "Ferb? Ready to outdo everyone?" She asked. Ferb rolled his eyes and slid a small box wrapped in white wrapping paper a bit to his left, landing it right before his brother. 

"Alright, mine doesn't have a card, just a small tag, which I wrote a beautiful poem on," Ferb said. 

"Alright then," Phineas said with a small laugh. He took the tag and read it. 

"Twelve years and going strong. Love you brother. I'm touched Ferb," Phineas said. Ferb laughed a bit. Phineas slowly began to tear the wrapping paper open, revealing a brown shoe-box. 

"Shoes?" Phineas asked, excitement bubbling in his voice. 

"Not even close," Ferb said. Phineas took the top of the box off and looked inside. 

"Oh my god...Ferb, you shouldn't have..." 

It was a wrench, but not just any wrench, it was an Irongate one, the best of the best. He had seen one once in a hardware store, but it was some ridiculous price that he could only dream of affording. 

"How'd you get it?" Phineas asked. 

"Building the website for the hardware store. Instead of paying in cash, they gave me the wrench, which I then..." He stopped. "Well, flip it over."

Phineas turned it in his hand, and saw it. In the side, his name was engraved in it. He felt tears slide into his eyes; Ferb wrap his arms around him. 

"Like it?" Ferb asked. 

"Like it?! I love it! Oh thank you Ferb!" Phineas stood and hugged his brother properly, almost crying.

"Glad you love it Phineas," Ferb said. 

~~~

Once they were home, Phineas went up into his room with Ferb close behind. He sat on his bed, looking at the wrench. 

"I really love it Ferb...really. This day was perfect," Phineas said. He looked at Ferb, who smiled. 

"Perhaps a bit too perfect," He said. "But you're Phineas Flynn, and everyday is too perfect for you."

"Not true!" Phineas laughed, putting the wrench on his nightstand. "I have my downs!"

"Like that time Perry got lost for a day, so you played him a song? You were smiling the whole time," Ferb said. 

"Shut up," Phineas said with a smile. He loved these moments, these tender moments with just him and Ferb. It was perfect really, the day. To end on this note would be the finishing touches on the cake. 

That's when the phone rang. Ferb wondered, if no one had picked up the phone, if this never would have happened. If Phineas wouldn't have the scars he did now, if he would be at home, and not in the hospital. If Ferb would still have some sense and didn't brutally punch someone. But it happened, their mom picked up the phone. 

"So, I was thinking, if we could build a track tomorrow, so I could learn how to drive. I got my permit, I was also thinking that maybe, you could teach me? You have your license, so that way, when we both go into junior year this year, we'll both be able to drive," Phineas said. 

"I'd love to," Ferb said. They both looked up when Perry pattered in, holding something in his mouth. He dropped it. 

"What chya' got there boy?" Phineas asked, gently going over and picking up whatever it was. He realized it was an empty turtle shell, and smiled a bit.

"Wonder if Perry knows it's your birthday," Ferb said. Perry padded over to Phineas's bed, hopped on, and fell asleep. 

"Aw, I bet his journey to find this was rough on him," he said. He walked over yo his bed, sat on it carefully, avoiding Perry's tail, and placing the shell next to the hammer. 

"There, the gifts from my favorite person and platypus, side by side on my nightstand," Phineas said. 

"What about Isabella's?" Ferb asked, eyebrow raised amused. 

"What about hers? Hers is with Baljeet's and Bufford's, safe under my desk. The rose she put in there is in a vase on my desk," Phineas said. Ferb laughed a bit. 

"Teasing Phineas," He said. 

Both brothers looked up when their door cracked open. The first thing that caught Phineas's eye was the way his mom was crying. She looked absolutely broken, sobbing into the shoulder of their dad. 

"Mom? Mom what's wrong? Dad?" Phineas asked, worry leaking into his voice. 

"Boys, come downstairs, we need to have a talk about...someone who's coming to stay with us for awhile," Their dad said, his face twisted with distraught and maybe even a bit of anger. 

~~~

"What's this about dad? Why is mom crying...?" Phineas asked. He felt Ferb grab his hand under the kitchen table and squeeze it gently. Phineas liked the pressure, it felt a bit reassuring. 

"Phineas..." His mom finally spoke. "Do you know, who Rick is?" He shook his head. 

"Should I?" Phineas asked. 

"No...no I've kept his name from you since you were born..." She bit her bottom lip. "Phineas, you know we all love you right?"

"Mom what's-"

"Rick is your biological father Phineas, and he's coming back to Danville, he wants to stay here," His mom said, and she began to cry again. Phineas was in shock, and he felt Ferb squeeze his hand harder under the table. It just wasn't clicking. His biological dad was coming to see him, he was going to see his face after sixteen god damn years of him never being there. 

Finally it all came tumbling down like a wall of bricks. 

"What?! You're letting him...in our home?! After everything he's done?! You can't! He's a monster! He's nothing! He's not my father, he's means nothing to me! You can't let a stranger come in here and, and ruin our lives!" Phineas almost yelled, and Ferb's squeeze tightened more. 

"Phineas...we understand this is hard on you, it's hard on us too, but he'd in a time of need and, we feel as though it's the humane thing to do," His father said calmly. 

Phineas calmed a bit, trying to regain himself. 

"Then make sure he knows his place. He is NOT my dad, my ruler, my role-model, whatever the hell else he's supposed to be. My true dad is sitting right here, he's just a random stranger who we happen to help," Phineas said. "He has no right to tell Ferb what to do either. He's a stranger to Ferb too."

"Of course dear, of course. I'm sorry for, bringing this up to you on your birthday," his mom said. 

"No, it's fine. It'll all be fine again," Phineas said, standing up. "I'm going to bed." He went upstairs, almost not hearing the "goodnights" from his parents. 

Ferb followed after him. 

"I'm sorry Phineas, I-"

Phineas held up a hand, sitting on his bed, curled up, almost ready to cry. 

"You were right Ferb...this day was too perfect..."


	2. A Rainy Morning

-2-

Rick arrived at seven in the morning. It was a rainy, down morning, foggy and mucky, one meant for staying inside. Ferb was sitting on his bed, reading a book. He glanced up when he heard Phineas move in his sleep. He saw Phineas turn over, facing him, still asleep. He didn't look peaceful. He looked trouble, almost as if he wasn't sleeping. Was he having a nightmare?

Ferb shut the book and went over to his troubled brother, sitting beside him. Phineas rolled again, now pressed against him. Ferb wrapped an arm around him. Phineas's troubled look faded into one of solitude, of a little more at-ease rest. 

Ferb took his hand and gently rubbed the top of his knuckles. 

"Sleep well," he said, before getting off the bed and slowly making his way to the stairs. He got to the top one, just so he could peak out and not be seen. He and his brother, when they were little, used to use this spot during Christmas morning. They'd both creep down just enough to get a peak. It was a perfect spot for spying or eavesdropping. 

"...so you'll be sleeping on the couch in the living room."

"I see. Where's Phineas?"

"Don't turn the TV on after 11,"

"Where's Phineas?"

There was a pause. Ferb quickly went downstairs and into the kitchen. 

"He's-" he realized he had given away he had been spying on them. He regained his composure. "He's sleeping. Don't bother him."

Rick gave him a look down, and Ferb did the same to him. He was a big tough guy. He had a few tattoos and a leather jacket to fit the stereotype of being a brute, but he didn't seem threatening. He had a lot of Phineas's features, same head-shape, same mouth, same eye color, except his hair was brown, not Phineas's vibrant red. 

He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. 

"So, you're the Fletcher kid," he said. "The, step-brother."

"Yes," Ferb kept his cool. "I am, you must be Rick."

"Ay," he said. He stood up and held out his hand. "Nice to meet chya kid,"

Ferb took it. His hand was rough and coarse, almost as if they could strangle someone. He smelt of cigarette smoke. 

"Never thought you'd meet a brit Linda," he said back to his mom. She turned away, not speaking. 

"Yes, and I'd never thought she'd stoop so low to marry someone like you," Ferb said. "My father is more a man than you ever could be."  
"Don't disrespect me boy," Rick said, taking the cigarette out. "This was my house."

"It's not anymore, and you're not in a position to be making these remarks," Ferb said. "My mother has given you help, a gesture she can take back and put you back out on the street."

Rick's lip curled, revealing yellow stained teeth. He turned away, and picked up his luggage, heading towards the living room. 

 

"Ferb, go make you and your brother some cereal," Linda said, adding more quietly. "And eat in your room." He nodded, and went to the cupboards. 

 

He walked upstairs carefully, but quick, squeezing his abdomen so his upper-body wouldn't spill the cereal. He went into their room. Phineas wasn't in bed. He was in the bathroom down the hall. He saw the light from underneath. 

He set a bowl on a nightstand, next to the lamp, the turtle shell, and the wrench. He began eating. 

Phineas came back, towel wrapped around his waist, scrubbing his hair. He looked up at Ferb. 

"Thanks," he said, seeing the bowl for him. He got dressed without a care if his brother saw him, getting into that day's clothes. He sat down on his bed and began to eat. 

"Is he here?" Phineas asked. 

"Yeah, he's here," Ferb said. 

"I don't want to see him," Phineas said. "He can come find me."

Ferb finished his cereal, and set the bowl on the nightstand. He got up and sat beside Phineas, wrapping an arm around him. 

"It'll be alright," Ferb said. "I won't let you go through this alone."

"A storm is coming," Phineas said. "I can feel it."

"I can too," Ferb said. "But we'll go through it together. Like always."

Phineas finishes, set his bowl on Ferb's, and rested against Ferb's shoulder. Ferb wrapped his arm around Phineas. 

~~~

"I can't go down there Ferb! I'll jump out the window! I'll do something...just please don't make me face Rick..." Phineas said, about to cry. Ferb bit his lip. 

"Phineas...you're going to have to face your fear," Ferb said. He took Phineas's hand gently. "I'll be with you."

Phineas sighed, and weakly nodded. He stood, shaking, hunched in a way. Ferb gently took his brother's hand and guided him to the stairs. 

"So Linda, how'd he win your heart?"

Phineas immediately stumbled back, alarming Ferb. 

"I can't do it!" He whispered. "It'll kill me!" 

Ferb turned back to face him. "I promise it won't Phineas. I promise." Ferb said. He stared his brother in the eye, a deep affection piercing through them. Phineas looked down, and sighed. 

"Okay Ferb...okay." He said. Ferb took his hand gently, and slowly they got to the bottom of the stairs. 

Phineas kept looking at the door, staring it down as though it owed him money. If he could get to the door, he'd be safe. He wouldn't have to talk to Rick. 

"Well well well, trying to sneak out without saying hello?"

Phineas froze, like a deer in headlights. Ferb had never seen a look of terror so pure. His face had drained of color, his jaw was slightly dropped, his pupils smaller than quarters, he had become stiff. 

"What? Cat got your tongue?"

Phineas's jaw closed, and he turned, swallowing hard. "Hello...Rick." He coughed out the words. 

"It's dad," Rick said. 

"No, it's not." Phineas said. "It's Rick. My dad's at work, probably worried about mom." 

"I am-"

"I don't fucking care who you are!" Phineas said, so angered that it almost scared Ferb. Phineas never snapped at people. When they frustrated him, he tended to speak more quietly, trying to get that person to understand. He never lashed out like this, or even swore. But here he was, kind and compassionate Phineas, muscles flared up and eyes narrowed like a snake about to strike, teeth grit tightly and fists clenched ready to punch his father. 

"You stay the fuck away from me! You aren't my father, my friend, anything! You're a random fucking stranger!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. He quieted, his body loosening and gaze washing to the ground, his once angered pose becoming a limp feeble Phineas. "Just...leave me alone." He was fighting back tears now. Phineas flashed up and glared at Rick, before dashing out the door. Ferb stared at Rick. He was quiet, not showing emotion. Ferb blinked and followed after Phineas. 

He had just kept running, running all the way down the block and out of the neighborhood. He wouldn't stop, he was like a whippet. 

"Phineas wait!" Ferb called. Except he didn't. He ran and ran until finally, Phineas took a sharp right, and Ferb lost him. 

 

~~~~

 

"Phineas! Phineas!" Ferb called, turning in circles and searching for his brother like his brother was his lost dog. "Please come back! You can stop running!" He heard nothing, saw nothing, he wasn't sure where to go. He tried to think from Phineas's prospective, but that got him nowhere. "Phineas!" He called again. 

"Ferb! Thank god we found you! We saw Phineas running-"

Ferb whirled around to see the gang, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet. 

"Running? Where did you see him running?" He asked Isabella. "Which way did he go?" 

"He was running towards the park...Ferb what's going on? What's wrong with Phineas?" Isabella asked. 

"Yeah, never seen dinnerbell so worked up before. Had tears runnin' down 'is face." Buford said. 

"I'll explain it to you on the way, but right now, we gotta go." Ferb said. He ran off towards the park. "Come on!" 

~~~

 

"...so last night we learned his dad was coming to stay with us. It shook him real bad, seeing his dad, Rick." Ferb said. 

"I can't imagine what he's going through...what your whole family's going through," Isabella said. 

"He ended up fighting with him this morning. Swore and shouted so much...mum gets scared when he's worked up like that, he's the nice guy, he's not supposed to yell. Ended with him running out the door, I tried to follow him but...I lost him." Ferb said as the four reached the park. 

"Never knew he had it in 'im," Buford said. 

"I did. He maybe a nice guy, but he bottles up his anger and sadness, soon it'll all explode, like an avalanche. I reckon pretty soon, much like his angry outburst, he'll break down in tears too," Baljeet said. "It's unhealthy, he needs to realize-"

"Guys!" Isabella snapped. She drew up a finger and flexed it towards the playground area. "He's on the swings."

Indeed Phineas was. He was sitting alone, barely swinging, the small weak motion caused by his foot toying with the mulch on the ground. His eyes were shut gently, like blankets placed over a bed. Tears were falling like rain from his eyes, his face soaked with both rain and tears. His face was slightly blushed, and he made soft noises to go along with his saddened state. His body was condensed, he looked like a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. 

Ferb approached slowly, like Phineas was a deer Ferb was trying to feed. He sat beside him in a different swing. As much as she wanted to, Isabella didn't go over and also comfort Phineas. This was something Ferb had to do. Instead, she kept Baljeet and Buford quiet. 

"Hey," Ferb said gently. Phineas looked up, his eyes puffed and sore. He was sniveling. Ferb brought himself closer to Phineas, wrapping an arm around him. 

Phineas cried into his shoulder. 

Ferb rubbed his brother's arm gently, feeling the warmth of his brother's tears drench his shirt. 

Eventually, he stopped. He slowly drew himself back up. 

"I hate him."

Ferb took out the handkerchief he kept in his pocket and handed it into Phineas. Je wiped his face.

"And?"

Phineas played with the corner of the cotton square. 

"I wish he hadn't come here. I wish he would just get out of my life he had been for the past sixteen years. I don't want him anywhere near me. I just want him to go away..." 

Ferb gently ran his fingers through his brother's hair. 

"It's only for a little while, I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Chapter 2 is done! :D
> 
> Hope it's alright,
> 
> Majogany Woods signing off!


	3. You and I

The rain was truly coming down now in buckets. Phineas didn't seem bothered by it though. He just stared at the ground for some time. 

"It's hell, I know, but you're going to get through this Phineas. I promise you will, even if I have to carry you," Ferb said. 

Phineas smiled weakily. "Thanks Ferb..."

~~~

They didn't go home. The friend group travelled to a nearby ice-cream parlor, talking and bantering about nonsensical things, laughing at some of those things. 

Then the time came to go home. Back to that toxic place that made Phineas physically sick to think of. He didn't want to think about Rick or his mother crying or his dad's endless worrying or whatever the hell else was going to happen. He almost puked when the got to the front door. 

"I don't want to go inside Ferb," Phineas said. "Please don't make me go inside."

"You can't stay outside all night. You need to go inside and get dry," Ferb said gently, arm wrapped around Phineas. 

"I don't want to see him, I just want to go upstairs to our room," Phineas said. "I just want to sleep." 

"And sleep you can," Ferb said. He gently guided Phineas to the door, opening t softly and walking in. Rick was asleep on the couch. Quietly the duo went upstairs. Ferb locked the door behind them. They never locked the door. 

"Come on Phineas, get changed," Ferb said gently. Phineas looked down, but nodded. He slowly pulled his shoes off gently, and before he got the second one off he broke down into tears.  
Ferb sat beside him, turning on the light on their nightstand. 

"S-sorry..." Phineas whispered, "sorry, sorry, I'm sorry." He kept trying to get his shoe off. 

"Shh, it's okay," Ferb said. "I'll get your shoe off."

He got the second shoe off, and finally Phineas changed himself. He crawled into bed, curling up under the covers. He still made soft sniveling noises. Ferb slowly went over and laid next to him, rubbing his brother's arm gently. Slowly, Phineas went to sleep.

Ferb turned out the light, and went to bed. 

~~~

Phineas awoke to a dim light. It was clouded, but not raining. He got out of bed and dragged himself to the bathroom, taking that day's clothes with him. He stopped before getting there and gently crept down the stairs, looking into the living room. Rick was still asleep. Good, he could sleep for the rest of Phineas's life. 

He continued to the bathroom and locked the door behind himself. Whilst in there, he suddenly heard a sharp smash from downstairs. He unlocked the door and opened it, running downstairs and looking into the living room. Rick had accidentally broken a lamp. He was awake and already breaking things. He looked around, and went out the door. Phineas almost began crying. That wasn't just a lamp. His true dad had brought that back from an antique shop. He thought it was so cool, all the flowers and leaves painted onto it by hand. Now it was there, broken on the floor. 

He walked down stairs slowly, approaching the sad remains of the broken lamp. He got on his hands and knees, cupping his hand and slowly picking up the pieces. He cut his hand whilst doing so. He quickly placed the pieces down and recoiled back. The pain in his hand was sharp, it pulsed a bit. He grasped it to stop it from bleeding. 

Someone put their hands on his shoulders. 

"I got this Phineas, go get cleaned up."  
It was the voice of Ferb. 

"Okay, okay..." Phineas said shakily, standing on shaky legs and traveling to the bathroom. He washed the wound in water, alcohol, ointment, and then placed a bandage over it. 

Whilst in the shower, he realized that having the pain there, having something physically wrong with himself, distracted all thoughts of his dad and the current mess his family was in. He was concerned about the pain and how it was hurting, how he was in physical pain and that he wasn't well. It was so, relieving. 

He got out, and wrapped his towel around his waist. He tore the bandage off, revealing the clotted cut. He ran his thumb over it. The pain scorched up and faded. 

He gritted his teeth. It felt absolutely terrible. 

He put a new bandage over it. The cut was small, it would heal in time. 

He got changed into his clothes. Phineas slowly drew out of the bathroom and went back downstairs. 

"I have to be strong..." He whispered to himself as he went down the steps. No hurting himself, he promised. No hurting himself. 

Ferb was in the kitchen, just finishing glueing the pieces back together. He left them on the corner counter next to the fridge to dry. 

"Are you hungry?" He asked, leaning on the counter away from the fridge as Phineas sat at one of the chairs. 

"Starving, I didn't eat a lot yesterday," Phineas said. 

"What do you want?" Ferb asked. 

"I don't care," Phineas said with a small laugh. "An omelette?" 

"Filled with what?" Ferb asked as he went to the fridge. 

"Cheese I guess," Phineas said. 

"Want bacon?" Ferb asked. 

"Sure," Phineas said. He watched his brother get out all the ingredients, a pan, and a bowl. 

When he finished making their breakfast, Ferb asked what he wanted to drink. When Phineas said 'milk', Ferb made chocolate milk. Not that Phineas complained. He actually like it and was glad Ferb chose it over regular milk. 

"Mum and dad are out of the house, mum had to run errands and dad's at work," Ferb said. 

"Or they just wanna get out of the house. Wouldn't blame them," Phineas said as he took another bite. 

"Maybe," Ferb said. He studied Phineas for a moment, eyes trailing to his cut up hand. He stiffened his jaw. 

"Hey so, I was gonna pick up some blue prints after this. Wanna come with me?" Ferb asked. 

"Sure! What are they blue prints of?" Phineas asked. 

"Oh something, I'm sure you'll like it. Consider it a late birthday present," Ferb said. 

"You mean it's something for me?" Phineas asked, eyebrows raised. Ferb just smiled. 

"Alright Fletcher," Phineas said with a laugh. 

~~~

It was more cooler summer day, still terribly forecast. Phineas expected it to start to downpour any second while in the car. He yawned a bit, looking down at his phone. 

New Text Message:

Isabella:  
Good morning Phineas! :D

He smiled. He texted her a good morning back. 

"Isabella texting you?" Ferb asked. Phineas nodded. Ferb smiled. "Someone have a girlfriend?" He teased. 

"What? No, I don't really like Isabella in that way. I mean, she's fantastic and smart and probably the greatest girl I've met, but no," Phineas said, looking at Ferb. 

"Do you like anyone?" Ferb asked curiously as he looked down both ways of the street before turning. 

"Not really. No girls at our school interest me," he said. "Or anyone in general. I mean, sure, sometimes I do feel attracted to a girl, but by the next day I forget about her. I guess I'm not really too concerned with finding a girlfriend right now," Phineas said, toying with his hands in his lap. "And besides, I don't look the best either. I barely have any facial hair. You on the other hand are shaving regularly, you smell pretty nice all the time, you groom well, you have stylish clothes. I just wear some jeans and a shirt and call it a day," Phineas said. 

"Well I am a bit older than you," Ferb said. "My body's done it's time in working things out, your's still is. Besides, you look great. You work out with me every morning, so your body build isn't some lanky teen, you don't really get facial hair, you get a little bit of stubble from time to time, you smell pretty decent yourself too, and the clothes bit I can help you with." Ferb said. "Hey, pre-puberty some girls thought I was the weirdest kid. Now look at me, I'm one of the muscular guys. Hell I'm even on the American football team."

"And you've got the whole British accent thing going for you. You're the hot British guy at our school," Phineas said. Ferb laughed at that. "But you're pretty weird," Phineas said. 

"Yeah, I am. But you know what? I got my weirder step-brother to make me look a little normal," Ferb said with a smile. Phineas laughed softly. His brother pulled into the blue prints shop. 

"I'll be back in a second," Ferb said. "Feel free to nose around my car, you may find a pack of gum." He went into the store. 

Phineas was intrigued to find this pack of gum Ferb spoke of. He checked every compartment he could, before remembering Ferb liked to store his gum with his sunglasses. He went into an overhang compartment, and felt around. He found the package of gum. It was watermelon flavored. He took a piece and began to chew it. 

He blew bubbles whilst waiting for Ferb. By the time Ferb had gotten back the flavor was gone, making the gum just a gooey blob of rubbery nothing in Phineas's mouth. He spat the gum into the wrapping it came with and threw it out. 

Ferb unscrewed the lid of the case that held the blueprints. He threw the case into the backseat and unraveled the blue paper. Phineas leaned across to look at it. 

"Test-track?" Phineas asked, looking at him with a smile. 

"Remember? The night of your birthday you wanted me to teach you how to drive? You wanted to build a track," Ferb said. Phineas looked at him. 

"You rememberer?" Phineas asked. 

"Remembered? I was picking out plans the next day Phineas," Ferb said. Phineas smiled and hugged Ferb. "Thank you," Phineas said. 

"Course Phin," Ferb said. 

~~~

Ferb didn't go home like Phineas expected. Instead he went to the mall. 

"Why are we here?" Phineas asked. 

"You wanted new clothes right?" Ferb asked. 

"I don't have my money on me right now," Phineas said. 

"I know," Ferb said with a grin. 

"Ferb-"

Ferb held up a hand quick, before placing it back on the steering wheel. "I want to. I get paid enough mowing lawns and shit, it's all good," Ferb said. 

"But this is too nice! You should spend the money on Vanessa or someone like that," Phineas said. 

"Nah, Vanessa's got a boyfriend to shower her with money and gifts. I wanna treat my brother," Ferb said. He looked at Phineas happily. 

"Alright, but there must be something I can do for you in return," Phineas said. 

"Yeah, just let me do something nice for ya' without worrying," Ferb said jokingly. 

"Alright Ferb, you win," Phineas said. 

~~~

"So where to first?" Ferb asked as they walked the many aisles. 

"Where would you go?" Phineas asked. 

"Follow me," Ferb said, taking Phineas's hand. 

 

They ended up in a small store. 

"Now for you, trendy isn't your style and you wanted something for stylish right?" Ferb asked. 

"Yeah," Phineas said.

Ferb picked put a few pieces of clothing. "Go try these on, show me when you're done," Ferb said. 

Phineas walked into the dressing room. He slowly unchanged. As he did, he looked down at the scarred hand he had. Did that make him look unattractive? Maybe he should take off the bandage. 

"No," he whispered. "I need the bandage."

He put on the pants and selected a collared shirt with a black leather jacket over it. He looked outside. Ferb was waiting on his phone. He was texting their mom. 

He turned when he heard Phineas. 

"Hey, looking good," Ferb said, his eyes running up and down Phineas's body. Phineas smiled. "Thanks."

They bought the clothes and kept going. Ferb brought him into different stores and bought him different things. They passed by one of Phineas's favorite stores, Trend. 

He paused and looked in. He saw merchandise for one of his favorite bands. 

"Wanna go in?" Ferb asked. 

"If, you want to," Phineas said. Ferb opened the door for Phineas. "I would," he said. 

Phineas went in, heading for the back of the store where the band merchandise was. He began to look through the many shirts, keychains, and other items the store had. 

"Right, you like the rock and roll genre," Ferb said. 

"Yeah," Phineas said. Once Phineas picked out a shirt, Ferb bought it for him. 

 

At the cash register, the cashier girl who was wearing way too much eyeliner smiled at them. 

"I just wanted to say, you and your boyfriend make a really cute couple," she said as she rang them up. Phineas felt the blood run to his face. 

"Uh, we're-"

"Thanks, we've been dating for a few months now. I wanted to treat him with some new clothes," Ferb said cheerfully, wrapping his arm around Phineas in a lovey way. He pulled him close. Phiness looked up at Ferb in utter terror about what was going on. Ferb smiled down at him. Pure laughter was in his eyes, he was only joking about this. 

"I wish my boyfriend was as great of a boyfriend as you are to him. You two are actual goals," the girl said, putting the shirt into a small bag. 

As they left, Ferb's arm still wrapped around Phineas, the girl called a goodbye after them. Once out of view of the store, Ferb let go. Both looked at each other and began laughing. 

 

They went to the foodcourt for lunch. As they ate, Ferb kept looking behind them and smiling. 

"Why are you smiling?" Phineas asked. 

"Some girl's trying to flirt with me using gestures," Ferb said. "Fuck I think she's writing down her number." He turned back. "Mind playing my boyfriend for a little bit more?"

"Sure," Phineas said as he went to sip his soda. Ferb reached across the table and took Phineas's hand, kissing it lightly. Phineas just kept drinking his soda.

"So later, wanna go get a milkshake with me sweetheart?" Ferb asked. 

"Of course babe," Phineas said. He glanced at the girl. She was slowly walking over. 

"Shit she's coming," Phineas said, slightly laughing. He felt a little...flushed and giddy. Almost like he was getting...aroused. 

What the hell am I doing? He thought. 

Ferb whispered a quick, "I'm sorry," and quickly leaned across the table, kissing Phineas on the side of his face. Phineas felt his face get even warmer, and he laughed a bit, smiling like an idiot. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. 

He liked having Ferb do that to him. 

No no, stop it. Those were bad thoughts. Those were not okay. He quickly push those thoughts down into the dark pits of his mind, where they'd crawl around and feed off his darkest fears and watch him from the dark. He did not like Ferb in that way. 

He watched the girl spot the scene, and quickly turn and walk away. 

"She's gone," Phineas said. Ferb let go. 

"Again, I'm real sorry Phineas," Ferb said when he saw Phineas's red mottled face. 

"It's all good," Phineas said, as he drank his soda again to calm down his nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you're having an amazing holiday season! :D


	4. My Backstory

"We still aren't going home," Phineas said. Ferb smiled. He didn't respond, his eyes just kept to the road. Phineas looked around. He was still very confused. Again, he looked to Ferb.

"Where are we going?" He asked. Ferb shrugged, though a smile was still spread over his lips. He eventually turned onto a dirt road.

"Wait...I know this road..." Phineas said. He was correct. This was the old golf course his family went to after the one in Danville closed down. They served ice cream and had two golf courts as well as some baseball pitching machines. It was in a hilly area, many families (and sometimes couples) went to the hill next to the castle themed golf course to look at the scenery after they got ice cream.

Phineas remembered doing that once with his family. It was just an inkling of a memory, he barely remembered it. It was one of those memories he put on the shelf of his mind, where it collected dust and faded like an unwanted toy. 

"Why are we going here?" Phineas asked.

"Because I wanna play a few games with the disco miniature golfing king," Ferb said. Phineas smiled.

"But, Stacy was-"

"I said the king, not the queen."

 

~~~  
They had reached hole fourteen our of twenty holes when Phineas realized Ferb wasn't going to win. He had a slim chance, he would have to score a hole in one from this point on. Not that he wasn't capable, Phineas knew Ferb could do anything he put his mind to. He was just like that.

Upon completion of the twentieth hole, Ferb declared Phineas had won. He tossed the score pallet before Phineas could see it. But as Phineas recalled, Ferb had scored those hole in ones, so he should have won.

"Ferb, I think you made an error," Phineas said. Ferb simply smiled. "No, I never make errors Phineas, I make corrections."

"But-"

"Corrections, not errors," Ferb said. He opened the door of the golf shop. He gestured his hand for Phineas to go in.

 

Of course, Ferb bought them a milkshake to share. 

"We had ice cream yesterday," Phineas said.

"This is a milkshake, not ice cream," Ferb said.

"But-"

"Just take it silly," Ferb said, a playful smile behind his annoyed look. Phineas smiled, and took the styrofoam cup. Ferb got two straws.

They took to the hill, sitting on it with the dessert. Phineas took a sip from it, and passed it to Ferb.

"I remember coming here when we were younger," Phineas said. "That was when you were feeling bad that one time, mom never told me why, but dad said it was because something happened to your-" Phineas stopped himself, looking at Ferb. Ferb was sipping on the milkshake, eyes closed.

He handed the milkshake back to Phineas.

"My biological mum," Ferb said.  
"I didn't mean to bring it up Ferb," Phineas said. Ferb opened his eyes and looked up.

"No no, it's not your fault Phineas. I barely talk about her..." His voice trailed and he looked away. "Do you want to know about her? You must be curious, I've never told you about her, nor has our dad." 

Phineas slowly nodded. "Only as much as you wanna say."

Ferb looked at him again.

"Where to begin..."

~~~

 

"My mum, she wasn't bad, I don't think. She just wanted to do something, she wanted to be someone,"

Young, three year old Ferb sat on a counter, his mother standing behind a canvas. Her dark green hair travelled down her back in beautiful curls. Ferb always thought of his mother as beautiful. She had the most beautiful eyes, the rosiest cheeks, she wore only enough make-up to enhance her beauty, not hide it.

"Now now my prince," she said, her paintbrush brushing over some green paint as she went back to her work. "Keep looking at mummy. Show mummy those big eyes of yours," she said. "Be good, and later I'll give you a treat." 

Ferb sat completely still, not daring to move. As his mother began to tell a story, one about a prince and a dragon, he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look at it.

"I'm over here! Stay still!" His mum hissed. Ferb looked back at her. She continued her story.

Something ran behind his mom. He flinched when he saw it continue running.

"Stop fidgeting!" She spat. 

"She, she didn't do well as an artist. Too many failed masterpieces, too much failure. I guess she thought I could excel where she failed,"

"No! No! No! What are you doing? Stop it! That's no way to paint!" His mother said, storming behind him and snatching up the drawing of a terribly drawn dog. A smudge of orange with a dot of blue. She tore it up, and picked up her son.

She brought Ferb to her art room, where she got a fresh canvas and paints. She gave Ferb the brush.

"Why don't you paint a better dog?"

So he did, he painted a terrier. His mother snorted. 

"It's too basic. Nothing in the world is going to be as happy as this terrier. Pick a big dog," she said. So Ferb painted over it, a Rottweiler.

"It's still too happy," she said, Ferb made it snarl.

"It needs something else, something to make it pop," she said. She took a paintbrush dripping in red, and painted blood running from the dog's mouth, flaring out from it's teeth. 

"Perfect.I know it looks scary, but scary things can be masterpieces too," she said.

"She tried to love me, she really did. She wasn't perfect at it, her way of showing love was misguided, she didn't understand how. She tried to teach me all sorts of different things, I was good at all of them, but when I wanted to show her what I made...she believed children should be seen, not heard,"

"BE QUIET! IF YOU CAN'T PLAY THE PIANO RIGHT, DON'T PLAY IT DAMN IT!"

"STOP CRYING!"

"MUMMY'S TRYING TO WORK! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"When I became silent, my dad took notice. My mum and dad used to love each other, long before me. But as her failure got worse, my dad and her began to fight...a lot. I often used to hear them scream, it used to be my lullaby at night."  
"Look dear, I know you're trying your best, but Ferb's just a little boy! He doesn't know any better! You've scared him so bad he isn't talking!"

"How am I supposed to work if he's making all that noise?!"

"Just please, try to consider the fact that he's young, He just wants to show you what he's done."

"Eventually, my mum became lost in her failures, swept up by them. She began to drink, she began to loose the rosiness in her cheeks, her sparkly blue eyes turned to stormy grey, her skin turned pale, her hair turned to a ratty snake nest, she didn't look like my mother anymore. I tried to help her, I really did, but she didn't want my help," Ferb was tearing up now, his voice starting to shiver. He paused to swallow the lump in his throat, and continued.

Young Ferb approached his mother, who was sitting against the counter. Broken glass dangled in her hand, it must have been a bottle at one point. 

When he approached, she pushed him away.

"Go away! Leave me be...please..."

"My father divorced her. It hurt me, to loose my mother. She used to tell me the best stories. My mum begged us to stay, to not leave her. My dad left her with enough money to pay the rent until she could find a job. He eventually learned she had...begun to sell her body to people to make money," Ferb said. "My mother, my beautiful mother, so desperate for money she had to sell her body to men just so she could feed herself and put a roof over her head...my father felt terrible. He tried to find her again...but...he came back and told me my mum was in a better place. Of course she was, I had thought that day. I was quiet, but not stupid. I knew that meant, she had passed away. I had found out her body was found in a gutter, a bullet found in her head. The police had told us it was from suicide."

~~~

Ferb looked down. "That's why I was so quiet when we met, why I could do so much. My mother." He swallowed again, fighting back tears. "I loved her, really I did. My mum loved me too...but failure got the best of her. I guess suicide was her escape from the twisted reality she was living." 

Phineas sat there, in utter quiet. He never knew Ferb had come from such a broken home, such a broken life at four years old.

"Ferb...I'm so sorry..." Phineas said, moving close to Ferb. He hugged his brother, who wrapped his arms around Phineas in a tight hug. 

"There's nothing to be sorry about. She got lost in the world..." he whispered.

"How'd you stay strong?" Phineas asked. Ferb let go.

"At first I was a wreck, but then I met you. When dad told me I was going to have a brother and a sister, I was horrified at first. But then you took me into your garage, you showed me all of your tools and told me how you wanted to own a building business when you grew up, I guess you helped mend the wounds my mother left behind," Ferb said. Phineas smiled. Ferb took Phineas's hand and squeezed it, feeling comfort from Phineas's hand.

For the rest of the time they spent there, they talked of pleasant things.

~~~

Coming home, Ferb took the path over the bridge. Phineas looked out over the bridge, at the pathway along it. There was a gate going along it, it kept people from falling into the river below it. The river below was deep, very deep. It was blue and clean, there was a whole movement by the town to keep the river clean of trash due to the fish population that lived in it.

Now, it was kept clean by the township.

 

Arriving home was everything but happy. Both boys walked in to Lawrence and Rick fighting whilst their mother cried on the couch. 

"I don't give a flying fuck if he doesn't want to see me! I will spend time with-"

"He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to! Especially see you! Just leave Phineas alone!"

"What's going on?" Ferb asked. 

"Nothing," Their dad said quickly. "Just, go to your room."

"Phineas, I-" Rick began, but Phineas was already halfway up the stairs, Ferb behind him. 

For the second night in a row, Ferb locked the door. As he went to take a shower, he saw Phineas put his ear up against the door. But there was no need. Rick was loud enough to be heard from upstairs with the door closed.

"May I remind you why you left?! You didn't want two kids! You left me, Phineas, and Candace alone! I had to work three jobs because of you!"

"I'm here now!"

"No, you left because you didn't want a second child. You left because we only planned for one, not two..."

Then it hit Phineas. It hit him like a ton of bricks. His mom, Rick, they had only planned for Candace. He had been a total surprise to the both of them. Rick left because he didn't want him...he didn't want him. He was unwanted.

Phineas sat there, the words echoing in his head.

I'm unwanted. 

I'm not needed.

He felt physically sick to his stomach. His breathing began to pick up in speed as he was about to cry.

"Phineas," Ferb said. "Phineas, it-it's okay. It's gonna be alright..."

Phineas turned sharply to look at him, tears breaking up in his eyes.

"It's not alright! I'm unwanted Ferb! I was the second child...the unexpected one...the not needed one...I'm not needed here...it would be better if I just..." Phineas fought to find words.

"...if I just killed myself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's Ferb's backstory! Thank you everyone who's commented, bookmarked, and left kudos! Buckle up, winter's only begun


	5. Spiraling Down

Those words made Ferb dive forward and hug Phineas. 

"No. God damn it Phineas don't say that. Don't ever say that. Phineas I need you to listen to me," Ferb said, taking Phineas by the shoulders and locking eye contact with those broken blue eyes. 

"Don't you EVER say that you'd be better off dead. Don't ever say that. You are needed Phineas, you're very much needed. Isabella needs you, Buford needs you, Baljeet needs you, mom and dad need you, I need you. I need my brother, my best-friend. If you died, I don't think I would be the same without you, no one would," Ferb said, taking Phineas's hand and squeezing it.

"But I was a mistake Ferb, I was born and caused my dad to leave...I'm the reason Candace doesn't have her old father..." Phineas whispered.

"Fuck Rick," Ferb said. "Fuck him straight to hell. If he left because of you, something's wrong with him. This is not your fault Phineas, none of this is your fault," Ferb said. He used his other hand and gently pressed brought Phineas closer, resting his forehead against his own.

"Don't ever say that Phineas, okay? Please...please..." Ferb whispered, gently taking both of his hands and rubbing under Phineas's eyes with his thumbs to wipe away the salty tears. 

Phineas lightly took Ferb's wrists, hanging onto them like a life line.

"Please don't let go of me Ferb, please don't leave me alone," he whispered back.

"Never in forever," Ferb said.

"Don't let me drown."

~~~

Phineas slept that night in a state of unrest. He could not sleep. His back ached terribly, and the painkillers he had taken were doing nothing. He didn't know why, It just, hurt.

He finally got to a state of slumber around two AM. He awoke at five, to the sound of Perry's soft purrs of sleep and his mother's soft cries coming from down the hall. He reached for Perry, who awoke quickly. Perry was getting old. He would live longer yes, Phineas and his brother had added a few years of life onto his lifespan, but he was getting old. He was no longer disappearing, he just slept, ate, and played a bit. When the boys would build, he would sleep under the tree. He still had his spirit though.

Perry padded up to Phineas and made himself comfortable against his boy's chest. Phineas lightly stroked him. Perry purred lightly, yawning and closing his eyes.

"What am I going to do boy? What am I going to do...?" Phineas whispered, tears leaking into his eyes. He heard his mother's cries silent, and he could hear the click of the light in his parents' room. He turned to look at the ceiling, hand still rested on Perry. 

He shut his eyes, but could not sleep. He sat up in bed, staring at the clock across the room.

5:17 AM

He looked over at Ferb, who was sleeping soundly. He remembered how he had felt that day, how having Ferb kiss him felt good, how it felt okay and that it was what he wanted. Yet, yet he knew it was wrong. He wasn't supposed to like Ferb like that, and never before had he looked at any boy like that. Damn it! Why did Ferb do that to him? Why did Ferb have to make him feel so confused? He felt frustrated at his emotions. 

"Phineas...? Are you okay...?" He heard a groggy voice ask. Phineas turned, looking at Ferb. Ferb was half-asleep, but his eyes were directly on him.

"Er, yeah. I'm okay, just having some sleeping problems," Phineas said, looking at his tired step-brother.

"How's your back?" Ferb asked.

"Better, the pain went away," Phineas said. They stared at each other for sometime, but it wasn't awkward, though Phineas could tell Ferb was still very tired.

"Come here," Ferb said, laying back down and making room on his bed. Phineas picked up Perry and slowly walked over to Ferb's bed. He set Perry on the end of the bed, patting his head before slowly getting under the covers next to Ferb. He slowly and uncertainly pressing himself against Ferb, cuddling against him.

Ferb gently wrapped his arms around him in a hug. He rested his chin on Phineas's head. Phineas felt Ferb's body heat soak into his own cold body. He enjoyed having Ferb there, it made him feel secure and safe. He drank the scent of Ferb's deodorant and the soap he used in the shower, feeling happy. He could stay like this forever. He felt Ferb gently rub his back.

"Night Ferb," Phineas whispered.

"Good night Phineas," Ferb said. Phineas felt Ferb's breathing gently subside into a steady rhythm of sleep, his arms slowly going limp, but still hooked around Phineas. Phineas smiled to himself at this. For the first time that night, he felt tired. He fell asleep, Ferb's heartbeat a gentle lullaby for him.

~~~

As Ferb awoke, he had forgotten for a few seconds that he had let Phineas into his bed last night. But it all came rushing back within a matter of milliseconds. He smiled at his step-brother, who was sleeping peacefully. He gently crawled over him, careful not to disturb him. He petted Perry on his way out, grabbing a shirt off the ground on the way and putting it on. He unlocked the door, and saw a sticky note on the door.

Father and I are out at the mall  
We left some food on the table for you both  
Rick should be gone by the time you wake-up

-Love mom

Ferb took the note off and threw it in the trash. He gathered up clothes for that day and went down towards the bathroom. He showered quick. He got out of the shower and caught a look at himself in the mirror. That stubble he had let grow out was starting to turn into a full on beard. He ran his fingers over the long whiskers, he reached for his razor, picking it up and toying with it in his hand. He examined the facial hair for a few more seconds, before putting the razor down and leaving the bathroom. 

He walked in on a still sleeping Phineas, who normally would be up by now. He gently nudged him.

"Hey," he said softly as Phineas awoke in a groggy state. "Wake up sleepy-head." He stirred and sat up. He at once reached for Perry, who came to his boy's hand.

"Wanna build that test-track today?" Ferb asked. 

"Yeah," Phineas said. "Yeah I do." He looked down at Perry. "Is Rick gone?"

"He went out, I don't know when he'll get back," Ferb said. Phineas nodded and slowly got out of bed. He went down towards the bathroom. 

As he was finishing up in there, he spotted Ferb's razor. He gently picked it up, fiddling with it in his hand. The terrible memories of last night began to play over and over in his head.

"Stop...please stop..." he whispered. "I'm better than this...just leave me alone..." 

Only the memories didn't stop. They just kept playing over and over and over like a broken record. He shut his eyes.

"Stop it," he muttered. He could almost hear Rick's voice in his head.

"Stop being such a crybaby, this is why I left you know. Because you wouldn't stop crying. Why don't you prove it? Prove to me you're a man, take that razor and cut your arm up, cut it up and then tell me it doesn't hurt. I bet you'll just cry and go running to that brother of yours, right?"

Phineas gritted his teeth, the voice's taunting growing louder in his head. 

"Shut. Up."

"Prove it to me then. Take that razor and slice yourself up without moaning or crying. You won't will you? Too scared, too scared..."

Angered, Phineas took the razor and ripped it across his arm, tearing open a slash in his skin. He repeated it again to his other arm, clenching his teeth together and stifling the tears and the urge to yelp out in pain. 

"Shit kid...you did it." And that was that. Rick's voice spoke no more in his head. Phineas felt the tears sting his eyes as he looked at both gashes on his arms. He took toilet paper and quickly pressed the paper to his arm. He did the same to his other arm, throwing the bloody toilet paper out. He realized what he had done, and his first instinct was to go to Ferb and ask for help.

"No..." he muttered. "It was right. I ask too much of him, I depend on him too much...this is my problem, not his." He quietly left the bathroom and headed back to their room. He put on his hoodie to cover the wounds and went downstairs.

Phineas saw Ferb had heated a plate of leftover breakfast up for him. He saw his step-brother sitting at the table.

Phineas sat next to him, taking his fork and toying with his food. He didn't feel hungry today. Eating just didn't seem like a good idea.

"Hey," Ferb asked softly. "Are you okay?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah, I'm good," Phineas said, still looking down at his food. 

"Phineas, look at me," Ferb said. Phineas looked up.

"Are you okay?' He asked again, meeting Phineas's eyes. Phineas met his brother's gaze and found himself growing weaker. Something about Ferb just made him weak. There was something about Ferb that just made him...

Phineas could finish that thought. It was hard to explain to himself. He looked back down at the food on his plate that was growing cold.

"I'm good." 

~~~

That day Ferb kept a close eye on his brother as they began to build the track. Phineas was a bit more quiet, but still enjoying building. That was good, he found joy in this.

Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford showed up around there normal time. 

"Hey guys, what chya' doin'?" Isabella said. Baljeet looked over at their blueprints curiously.

"Building a giant test-track," Phineas said. 

"So someone can practice for their license," Ferb added from on top of a metal structure he was drilling.

"Cool, can I do anything to help?" Isabella asked.

"Sure, can you and Baljeet go program the computer for building cars? There's gonna be this section before hand that allows you to build a car and drive it through different simulations," Phineas said. "Buford, can you help Ferb put metal pillars up? We need those for different parts of the simulation." 

"Sure," Buford said gruffly. 

~~~

"Well guys, we built a pretty good test-track," Phineas said, looking up at it. He looked back at them. "Who wants to try it out?" 

~~~

"Okay Phineas, start the engine," Ferb said. "What's the first simulation?" 

"Weather, I think," Phineas said. He seemed scared, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. "This was a bad idea."

"Too late now," Ferb said.

A female robotic voice came on over the radio.

"Simulation started." 

The room turned into a terrible thunder storm, rain pounding against the windshield. 

"Shit!" Phineas said, jamming his foot on the gas. 

"Bloody hell!" Ferb yelped, grabbing hold of the handlebar above his seat. "Slow down!" The wind picked up and the rain grew heavier. Ferb switched the windshield wipers on. Phineas slowed down, finding the road again.

The female voice came on over the radio again.

"Simulation switching to tornado setting,"

"Oh my god," Phineas said. 

"Calm down, just find the end of the simulation so we can move on to the next one," Ferb said. The setting switched quickly, the wind calmed and the world stilled. Then a tornado touched down in the distance. 

Phineas floored it. He sped down the road and quickly out of the simulation 

"Simulation complete, standby for next simulation."

"Why did we pick weather as the first simulation again?" Phineas asked. Ferb shrugged. 

"Simulation ready. Beginning maneuvering simulation." 

The door opened, and an obstacle course awaited them. 

"Now, take it slowly," Ferb said. Phineas nodded, and lightly pushed down on the gas. 

"Obstacle one approaching, prepare to turn." 

A tree fell down in front of them, Phineas swerved left. The car skidded, but the obstacle was avoided. 

"Well we-"

"Next obstacle!" Phineas yelled, swerving to the right and avoiding a fire hydrant. He laughed as Ferb nervously smiled at him.

"Final obstacle approaching, prepare to parallel park." 

He slid to the side, skidding perfectly in between two decoy cars. They were lowered into another room.

"Simulation complete, standby for final simulation."

"Well that was fun," Ferb said laughing. Phineas laughed along. The lights slowly dimmed.

"The speed simulation!"

"Final simulation ready, beginning speed simulation."

The doors opened, and Phineas jammed his weight on the gas pedal, zooming out of the station. 

"Max speed hit, starting up hyper speed."

"Why did we put hyper speed on this car?" Ferb asked. 

~~~

The day ended on a high note. The track put it's self away, folding up into a small toy car that Ferb put in the garage. Phineas sat under the tree, leaning against it. Perry came out of the house as well, padding up and sitting next to him. Ferb sat in his normal spot. He put an arm around Phineas casually. Phineas leaned into him, resting on his shoulder.

"You hungry? We could order take out or something," Ferb said. 

"Sure, wanna get a pizza or something?" Phineas asked. Ferb nodded. 

~~~

Usually both boys could split a pizza, and on some nights eat a two whole ones between the both of them. However, this night, Phineas only ate half a slice, Ferb ate the rest of it. It concerned Ferb really, that his brother was barely eating. He would ask him about it later. 

Both brother's sat up in their room, talking about that day and how Phineas could improve his driving. Then Ferb's cellphone rang. Ferb answered it.

"Hello? Mum? Mum what happened?! Hey, calm down, explain what happened," Ferb said. 

Phineas looked confused. Ferb held a finger up to him.

"He what? He hurt him?! He's okay right? Who started it? Well thank god for that," Ferb said, standing up and pacing. "Yeah, we'll be right over," he said.

"What is it?" Phineas asked. Ferb gently tugged Phineas up. 

"Things got out of hand between Rick and our dad. Our dad is in the hospital, he's alright, he'll be out in a few days, just a little unsteady is all," Ferb said. Phineas went into shock. Their dad, in the hospital? Their kind, compassionate dad? No, no that couldn't be right. Lawrence Fletcher was not a man who fought people. 

"Hey, come on," Ferb said gently, guiding Phineas to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It came to my attention that I've been spelling Candace's name wrong. I fixed it in the chapters, so it should be good now. Thank you to everyone who's read the story so far! The comments, the kudos, and the bookmarks mean the world to me!


	6. Confusion Clouds the Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, there's a bit of smut in this chapter. As I normally don't write smut, I thought it was necessary for the story to progress.

"Hey dad," Ferb said, looking at his father sitting on the bed. Phineas was beside him. "You're going to be okay right?" Phineas asked. Lawrence smiled. "Course Phineas, this is just a precaution, that's all." 

Phineas nodded. He left the room after a few more minutes. He saw his mother. His mother came over to him, putting her hands on his shoulders. It was clear she had been crying, but had recomposed herself. 

"Are you okay?" She asked gently. 

Phineas didn't answer. "It isn't fair, we let him stay here and he does this..."

"I know, I know Phineas...it is unfair. But listen to me, I need you to be brave, okay?" His mother asked, looking him in the eyes. Tears began to form in her eyes. "You have to be brave...it's okay if you're angry or upset, I'm angry and upset too, and if you need to break things, by god you break them as hard as you can." 

Phineas fell against his mother's chest, beginning to cry. 

He looked up and saw Rick a little length's away. Angered flared up inside of him. He ran straight at Rick, anger clenching his fists shut and ready to explode out of his chest. He punched Rick dead in the face, sending him against he wall. He backed away, tears whelming in his eyes. The punch said everything. "How could you do this to my family?"

He wanted to do so much more, so much more, but the anger and the sadness were swirling in his head like a twister, chasing each other like hot and cold. He ran.

He ran straight home without looking back. When he got home, he grabbed a baseball bat from the garage and went into the living room where Rick resided. He began to smash Rick's belongings. His suitcase, his clothes, his electronics, anything that was his. When that was destroyed, Phineas began to hit the couch, then the coffee table, then a lamp in the corner. Once he destroyed those things, he dropped the baseball bat, looking at the damage he had done. 

He felt to his knees, feeling alone, feeling lost, feeling completely unwanted. He collapsed into his hands, the tears stinging his face. He wanted to do something else, he had to do something else. 

He looked at the ceiling, and screamed at the top of his lungs in utter anger. He looked down at the floor. He had never felt so alone. 

~~~

They found Phineas in the rubble crying. Linda looked at Lawrence. 

"He needs help," she whispered. "He needs a therapist or something...my poor baby boy..." Lawrence hugged her. 

Ferb slowly approached Phineas, sitting beside him. "Hey," he whispered, touching Phineas's shoulder. 

Phineas hugged him, he hugged him tighter than he had ever hugged him before. 

"I can't do it anymore Ferb...I can't do it...I feel so alone...I feel abandoned...I feel so confused...the world's falling apart..." Phineas whispered. Ferb lightly ran his fingers over Phineas's hair, slowly 'shhing' him.

"What are you confused about?" Ferb asked softly. Phineas sniffed lightly.

"So many god damn things..." 

~~~

The conversation in their room that night was like squeezing blood from a stone. Phineas wouldn't talk about his confusion, he seemed to have a hard time putting it into words.

"I can't describe it...it's about you. It's always been about you. Lately I've just been looking at you and..." Phineas stumbled to find words. "I just can't stop thinking about you...I don't understand what's going on or if I'm okay or what-"

Ferb slowly pressed a finger to his lips, 'shhing' yet again. There was quiet between them.

"I understand, you want to do this right?"

"Wha-"

Ferb kissed him. 

Phineas was completely frozen. It came back, those horrible thoughts he promised himself he'd never think of again. They were back and oh god were they pronounced. He couldn't stop thinking about Ferb, just Ferb. Nothing else mattered. He knew this was wrong, that this shouldn't be happening, but lately, a lot of things shouldn't be happening.

He melted into the kiss, feeling more confused than anything. Ferb let go.

"Yeah...that...I don't under-I can't-I-" Phineas was fumbling over his words, desperate to make some sort of sentence out of them. Ferb smiled. 

"Phineas, I think you're in love with me," Ferb said. Phineas's eyes widened.

"N-No! No! I'm not! I don't, i-it's not that..." he said, looking down and frantic. His face was slowly turning a mottled red.

"Phineas, you're a terrible liar. You're confused because you've started forming feelings for me, correct?" Ferb asked gently. 

Phineas bit the inside of his cheek.

"You want to do sexual things with me, right?"

"No, no, no," Phineas said. No, that was a lie. He did want those things, he wanted them so bad...

"Phineas, look at me." 

Phineas looked into Ferb's gentle eyes, a kind smile over his face. "You're in love with me."

"Okay, I am in love with you, okay?! I can't help it Ferb, I can't help it....I just, the way you always knew how to keep me calm, how you always know what to do when I'm feeling down, how you've held me and told me it was going to be alright when I was ready to loose my head. How you can just make me smile for no reason at all and how you can turn any rainy day into a sunny one. I just can't help it Ferb...I'm so in love with you I was willing to lie to myself just because I was so scared of how in love with you I am..." Phineas said. He looked back at Ferb. 

Ferb was silent for a minute, then two. He was still smiling, still had a gentle look in his eyes. Then, after a few more minutes, he leaned forward and kissed Phineas again. Phineas wrapped his arms around Ferb's neck, kissing him back in tears. Ferb broke away, but his face was still close.

"You silly...I love you too."

He kissed him again. For once, something that day was starting to make a lick of sense. He loved Ferb, he loved him more than anything in this world.

Slowly Ferb pushed Phineas against his bed, going on top of him. 

When Ferb broke away, he looked down at Phineas. "D-Do you want to do this?" He asked. Phineas nodded. 

"Y-yes Ferb," he said. "Yes." Ferb smiled, and slowly began to pry off Phineas's shirt. 

He was nervous. Really nervous, he had never done anything like this before. Staring up at Ferb, he felt his body shiver as Ferb slowly began to kiss his neck, nipping slightly. He kept his arms around Ferb's neck, almost as if bracing himself for what was to come. 

Ferb sensed his brother's unease. He stopped, and sat back. 

"We don't have to do this Phineas," Ferb said. "If you're uncomfortable-"

"No!" Phineas quickly said. "I want this...I'm okay with it, but...I don't know what to do..." Ferb smiled gently. He slowly slid his shirt off, revealing the muscular build underneath. 

He was, of course, gentle in every way he touched Phineas. He was light with his biting and kissing, and when the pants finally came off and both were stripped off clothes, he was gentle with every lunge into him. 

"Y-y-yo-you can go h-harder..." Phineas whispered. "I ca-can take it..."

"Are-are you sure?" Ferb asked. "I do-don't want to go too f-fast..."

"I-I'm sure..." Phineas said. 

Ferb slowly picked up pace only at Phineas's beckon. Suddenly Phineas shrieked as his sweet spot was struck. Ferb quickly muffled his scream with a deep kiss. He let go once Phineas was done, looking down at his bewildered sweating brother. 

"W-what was that?! What did you do?!" He asked. 

"Just hit your spot..." Ferb said softly. "I won't do it anymore if you-"

"N-no...I won't scream...just, keep doing that..." Phineas said. 

Ferb again slowly picked up speed, in which caused Phineas to bite his lip and whine very loudly. Ferb slightly hissed as Phineas dug his nails into his back, but continued to pleasure him. 

He caught a glimpse at his arms, and something twisted in his stomach. 

Two long ghastly scars travelled up his arms, and by the looks of it they weren't normal cuts. They were, self-inflicted. 

Which could only mean one thing. 

He ignored them for now. What mattered now was pleasuring Phineas, who was looking up at Ferb with big wanting eyes. 

"W-why'd you stop?" He whispered. 

"Sorry love," Ferb muttered back. He kept going, earning more whines from Phineas. He suddenly felt Phineas jerk violently, his stomach flashing white. Ferb was quick, and rather flexible. He arched his back and took Phineas in his mouth, staring up at him as he drank. 

They could leave no trace of what they were doing. 

He let go and slowly looked down at Phineas, who seemed terribly lost. 

"W-what just happened?" He stuttered. 

"Something that tells me you've reached your max pleasure," Ferb muttered back with a flirtatious ring in his tone. "I, however, have not. So, let me quickly finish. You're tired right?"

Phineas nodded. 

Ferb quickly finished off, feeling himself explode inside Phineas, who yet again was muffled by Ferb because of how loudly he would have screamed. 

Ferb slowly pulled out, settling himself next to Phineas, who was smiling like an idiot. 

"I-I love you..." Phineas whispered, yawning and laying on Ferb's chest. 

"I love you too..." Ferb whispered back. For once, Phineas looked peaceful while he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when you've been spelling names wrong but your program tells you their correct. Thank you guys for telling me they were spelt wrong! I was a little embarrassed, but so glad you guys caught them!


	7. A Friendly Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some poetry in this chapter, just a heads up.

He awoke to the feeling of heat, his bare brother pressed against him, his arm draped over Phineas's body. He could smell Ferb's cologne, he could sense Ferb's heartbeat, and when he opened his eyes, he could see Ferb's chest. His senses were clogged with his lover, and he was swimming in joy. 

It was the perfect way to wake-up in the morning. 

He shut his eyes, a smile still over his face. He felt Ferb move. 

"Hey," Ferb whispered. 

Phineas opened his eyes, looking up at Ferb, drunk with happiness. 

"That was great Ferb...that was really great last night...thank you for an amazing time..." Phineas said. Ferb smiled, kissing Phineas on the nose. 

"I love you Ferb," Phineas muttered. 

"I love you too Phineas," Ferb whispered back. 

"So...so does this mean...are we dating?" Phineas asked. 

"Yes silly," Ferb said. He gently ran his fingers through Phineas's hair. 

~~~

He wasn't sure when the proper time to bring up the scars was, perhaps later, Phineas was too happy now. He didn't want to ruin it.

Ferb was sitting on the bed when Phineas came back into the room with dripping hair from his shower. He went into the closet and pulled out his pink high-tops, which he had gotten last year for Christmas. He pulled one on, and then the other. The simple process of putting his shoes on seemed to drain him, like his arms were weaker than thin ice.

"Did you eat yet?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah," Phineas said.

"What did you have?"

Phineas paused. "I ate cereal."

"Are you lying?"

Phineas didn't answer. He just tied his shoes.

"When was the last time you ate?" Ferb asked.

"Isabella asked if I wanted to spend time at her house today," Phineas said. "Is that okay with you?" He asked, looking at Ferb.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Ferb asked.

"Because we're dating," Phineas said. Ferb smiled, stifling a laugh. Sometimes, Phineas asked the more innocent questions. He wasn't used to romance, hell this was his first serious relationship.

"No love, that doesn't bother me. She's our friend, if you want to spend time with her, that's fine." Ferb said. Phineas smiled. He walked over to Ferb. 

"Can I have a hug before I go?" He asked.

Ferb stood up hugged Phineas, who pressed the top of his head into his chest. He gently rubbed Phineas's neck. 

"I love you," Phineas said.

"Love you too," Ferb whispered back. 

~~~

Whilst Phineas was at Isabella's, Ferb took it upon himself to text Vanessa. His childhood crush on her had slowly faded away, becoming a small memory that he sometimes thought about at night.

Of course, they were still friends. A platonic bond, he looked to her for advice sometimes, and she the same with him. It was nice actually, to have someone that wasn't family he could talk to and get somewhat decent advice from. 

He texted her a quick hello before standing and stretching, deciding he should at least put a shirt on. 

When he found a shirt and had put it on, he heard his phone buzz. He took it from the nightstand and looked at it.

Vanessa: hey ferbs

He texted her back.

How are you?

Vanessa: pretty good. U?

Pretty good myself...listen...I gotta talk to you about something. 

Vanessa: come over later. Monty will b out. 

He texted her back an 'okay' and then put his phone in his pocket. He went to find his shoes. 

He searched under his bed, in the closet, and any other obvious place. He found them hidden underneath yesterday's shirt. He put them on while sitting on the bed and stood up. As he did, his hip hit something on the nightstand between his and Phineas's bed. It fell to the floor.

Ferb picked it up. It was a purple composition notebook. He opened it. He recognized the handwriting at once. 

'This is a log sort of, 

Of all my feelings,

I read on the internet this should help me...'

He flipped through all the pages. It wasn't a journal however, it was a bunch of poems.

'Tired

 

Tired tired tired,

Tired tired tired tired,

Tired tired tired tired tired,

Tired tired tired tired tired tired,

I'm so very tired...'

 

Ferb flipped to the next page. He noticed this one had a date, yesterday.

 

'You told me to be brave,

You told me to try and be brave,

I guess you never knew,

I'm in so much pain,

It kills me when you cry,

It slaughters me to see dad so stressed out over your marriage,

And I think that if I die,

Maybe you'd have a little less to worry about,'

 

He looked at the next page.

 

'I'm not masculine at all,

I can't swim in this ocean,

I'm drowning in my head,

I think the world would be better if I were dead,

I cant' find a reason why,

I'm no longer wanting to be alive,

A shark taunts my thrashing body,

I no longer care about my hobbies, 

My legs and arms are so tired of treading,

The scars on me aren't mending,

I'm just falling in an ocean,'

 

He flipped through the book once more, spotting a page filled with small hearts. It was written before yesterday, two days before. 

'If he could just keep touching my skin,

I think I'd be okay, 

If he could keep whispering to me,

I think I'll be okay,

I don't know what's going on,

But my words are coming out faster than my heart thinking about him,

He makes me smile,

When his arms protect me,

There's light at the end,

He can look me in the eye,

And he knows how to keep me calm,

 

When he touched my skin,

I never felt so alive,

Am I crazy?

 

It's that feeling I get,

He's like some daydream I'll never forget,

Why do I feel the way I do,

When he touches my skin? 

 

I think I fell in love with my step-brother...'

Ferb smiled as if he were the happiest man alive. He ran his fingers over the ink. It felt like he was flying, reading those words. He flipped the page. The words 'Tomorrow is another day' was written over and over and over on the page in different texts and colorings. 

He closed the book.

~~~

Phineas knocked on the door, coughing once. Something hurt in his lower rib cage. He gently touched it with fingers, surprised when it felt hard, almost like he was thinner.

Because he was thinner, wasn't he? He hadn't eaten in awhile, he often woke up in the middle of the night hungry, famished, but sleeping felt like a better option that going downstairs where Rick was sleeping and finding food. 

Food just didn't interest him anymore. He just didn't feel hungry throughout the day.

The pain went to his forehead and he rubbed his head. As of late, pain had started to jab at random parts of his body with no explanation, and sometimes painkillers did nothing to stop them.

The door was answered by Isabella herself, wearing a pink blouse and white skinny jeans, hair tied back with a pink ribbon. She was wearing fluffy socks, having no real intention to go out on another grey summer day.

"Hey Phineas!" She said. Though her tone was joyous and happy, Phineas saw the shocked look in her eye. Did he really look that horrible?

"Hey Izzy," he said. She beckoned him in. 

Inside they sat in her living room, and she at once began to talk to him about his life and if he was okay. 

"You, don't look okay Phineas," she said, gently taking his hand in hers. Yeah, it was thinner, way thinner than the last time she had held it. She could almost feel every bone under his skin. "You look really pale...and you're thinner. Have you been eating?" She asked.

"Yes," Phineas said, not meeting her gaze. "I'm just...tired," he said. That wasn't a lie, he was tired. He was so, very tired. In fact, dying seemed like the best way to get enough sleep. 

"Do you wanna sleep?" She asked.

"No, it's okay. You wanted to talk with me," he said. His eyelids drooped, but he forced himself to stay awake for Isabella.

"I've just, been really worried about you. With all you've been going through, and yet you've done your best to keep a smile on your face," she said. He smiled weakly at this. "I manage...carpe diem as I say." He laughed slightly.

Isabella smiled. "Well, are you hungry now? I can go make sandwiches," she said.

"Uh, sure," Phineas said. He really said yes just to be polite. Food wasn't on his mind at the moment.

She got off the sofa and left the room, leaving Phineas alone. He rested his head back, shutting his eyes. He was just resting his eyes, he wouldn't fall asleep. He shifted uncomfortably, his hips had been hurting him ever since he had woken up, and he knew what THAT was from. 

He looked up when he heard a soft whine, spotting Pinky, the old chihuahua sitting next to him. He gently barked, sitting on Phineas's lap and licking his hand. Phineas smiled and lightly scratched the little dog's head. He like that about animals, they just knew how people felt without any words needing to be spoken.

Speaking of animals, Perry hadn't really been affected much by Rick. He had just started avoided that part of the house, often found napping in the boys room or eating his food as far from the living room as possible. It was good to know Perry hadn't changed. 

Isabella came back with three sandwiches on a plate and two cups of water. Phineas took the water with a polite "thank you" and began to take delicate sips. Water was okay, he decided, the human body could go longer without food than without water.

He sipped again.

Pinky had looked at the sandwiches, tempted to beg for the crust or a sliver of whatever was inside. He looked back up at Phineas however, and saw how sickly and pale he looked. He decided against his stomach and stayed put. The boy looked like he needed a dog in his lap. 

"So, you going for your license soon?" Isabella asked. 

"Once I learn how to properly drive," Phineas said. He picked up one of the sandwiches and slowly took a nip at the corner. He felt a powerful surge of hunger strike him, realizing he was absolutely famished. But he simply took pecks at it, eating like a bird. 

Isabella's gaze turned to one of concern. Usually when given food, Phineas was known to wolf it down faster than a starving lion. He often ate seconds and sometimes thirds, hell sometimes he'd even put Buford to shame with how hungry he was. 

Phineas slowly put the sandwich back. He laughed shakily. "Guess I'm not hungry," he said with a nervous laugh. That was a lie however, he was starved.

"Phineas, eat. I know you're hungry, just, eat," Isabella said gently.

"Not that hungry," Phineas said.

"Phineas Flynn you're not leaving this house until you've at least eaten one of these sandwiches,"Isabella said. Phineas looked at her for a second. That's what he always admired about Isabella, she was assertive. She knew what she wanted and how to get it, she was a confident leader and he looked up to that.

He took up the sandwich he had been nibbling on and took a bite. The hunger strikes again, and this time it was more pronounced, like his body was screaming at him to eat. He did so reluctantly for a couple of bites before hunger finally took control and the sandwich was gone quicker than a flash.

He shyly took another, practically inhaling it. Isabella smiled.

"I knew you were hungry.

~~~

Ferb arrived at Vanessa's house a little after 1:40. 

Inside, she was standing behind the kitchen counter while Ferb sat at a bar stool. 

"Can I get you anything?" She asked. "Coffee? Tea?"

"Just tea for me please," he said. Vanessa took out two mugs and set water on to boil. 

"So, you wanted to talk?" She asked.

"I'm assuming you know about Phineas?" He asked.  
"And how his jackass father is back? Yeah, I do," Vanessa said. 

"Well...Phineas isn't taking it so well. Bloody hell he's bad at, at-" Ferb struggled to find the words. 

"Emotions?" Vanessa asked.

"Not just any emotions, his own emotions in particular," Ferb said. "I mean, that's okay, I can understand why, he's just, having a hard time right now and, I don't know what to do," Ferb said.

"How so?" Vanessa asked. 

"He's not eating or sleeping, he's writing poetry about killing himself, hell I've seen scars running up and down his arms that look like they were self inflicted-"

"Have you considered the idea that he's sick?"

Ferb paused. Sick? Phineas wasn't sick. Why would he be sick? He didn't have a temperature or a virus or anything.

"What do you mean?" He asked. 

"Not like, fever sick but, head sick. He's mentally unwell. Maybe like, depression...?" Vanessa said, turning as the water started to boil.

Ferb froze. Depression...yes, that made sense. Depression, Phineas was sick. Rick being there had affected him and now he was sick and needed to heal and get better. But, how does one cure depression? Did it just go away with a little time and love? Could medicine wash it away? Did it just go away over night? 

"Depression...but Phineas has always been so happy, it doesn't seem like him to be...depressed," Ferb said. Vanessa gently placed the mug down beside him.

"Sometimes the people who seem the happiest are the most broken people you'll ever meet," Vanessa said. "And he can't help it, he's caught a sickness."

"But how do I make him better?" Ferb asked as he slowly stirred the tea.

"Simple, by being there for him and supporting him. Depression isn't about curing someone of it Ferb, it's about teaching them how to live with it and beat it with support and care," Vanessa said. She sipped her tea.

"So, the best way to help Phineas is to just be there for him, through everything," Ferb said. 

"That's the best thing to do. And reminding him to eat and sleep and bathe. I'd suggest actually seeing him eat, just to make sure he does it, and remember that he probably feels guilty, probably feels like he's stressing you out," Vanessa said.

"But he's not though, Rick is," Ferb said. 

"Then remind him of what he means to you," Vanessa said. She sipped her tea once more. 

~~~

Isabella had offered a movie, which Phineas had agreed to kindly. He ended up falling asleep about twenty minutes in. Of course, Isabella shut off the movie and gently placed a blanket over him. She got out her phone. 

'Phineas fell asleep at my house.' She texted Ferb. 

'Out like a light?' Ferb texted back. 

'Yup,' she answered. 

'I'll swing by later to pick him up, I'm out atm,' Ferb responded 

She sent him one last 'Okay' before shutting her phone off. She looked back in at Phineas. He was still sound asleep. She sat next to him and put the movie back on at a low volume. 

He did awake however, at first looking confused at to where he was. But once he remembered, he stretched and slowly stood up. 

"I better go...Perry needs to be fed," Phineas said. "Thanks for having me over," Phineas said. 

"My pleasure," Isabella said, standing up. Phineas smiled and hugged her quick, and then took his leave. Isabella watched him go with a heavy heart. 

When he got home, he shut the door quietly and went into the kitchen, going into the cabinets and taking out the canned platypus food. He took a spoon from the drawer and gently tapped it against the can. 

"Perry~!" He called softly. The old platypus came quickly to his bowl, sitting down as Phineas pushed the canned slop into his bowl. The platypus dug into his dinner. Phineas threw out the can and washed the spoon. Just as he began to dry it, he heard a dark voice come from the area behind him. 

"Hey."

His heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's left kudos, bookmarks, and comments! I really wasn't expecting this story to get any attention, so they all mean the world to me!


	8. On the Wings Of a Butterfly

He turned sharply, staring Rick in the face. 

"Leave me alone," he said quickly. But Rick shook his head. 

"Mom and step-dad and that step-brother of yours aren't here, just you and me," he said. He grabbed a chair from behind him and sat down on it. 

"Come here, we're gonna have a little father-son time."

Phineas slowly sat beside him, trying to figure out how fast he'd have to run to escape. Pretty fast.

"So, how ya' doin' champ?" He asked.

"Don't call me champ," Phineas said, pushing his back up against his chair. He felt uncomfortable, like Rick was going to jump up and attack him at any given time. He had to be careful about what he said, Rick couldn't know too much.

"Find then sport," Rick said. He stood up and went into the kitchen. "You like sports?" He asked.

"They're okay..." Phineas said.

"What do you like to do?" Rick asked as he came back with two sodas. Phineas didn't touch it as he set it beside him.

"Build things," Phineas said.

"Oh? Must get that from your grandfather, my dad. He used to build all sorts of shit in our garage," Rick said. He paused. "Sorry, stuff."

"It's fine," Phineas said. He really wanted to leave.

"Why kind of stuff do you build?"

Phineas gritted his teeth. "Stuff I like."

"Such as?"

Phineas felt sick to his stomach. "Roller coasters."

"Roller coasters? Your mom let chya' do all of this?" He asked.

"Yes," Phineas said. Rick sat forward. 

"I'm trying to get to know you Phineas. Give me something to work with..." Rick's voice drifted off as he went into thought. "You like any girls?"

"What?" Phineas asked. He felt extremely uncomfortable. This conversation was awkward and he absolutely hated the other person with every fiber of his being. "No...no I don't," he said. He was shaking now, his foot had begun to shake on the floor. 

"You sure? Saw you hanging out with that girl across the street...you sure you don't like her?" He asked.

"No, no I don't," Phineas said. 

"Oh, don't tell me. You're gay aren't you?" Rick asked, leaning back. The utter hatred in his voice made anger flare up in Phineas's veins. How dare he! Phineas loved Ferb, so what if he were gay or bi? It made no difference!

"No..." He forced the words out through gritted teeth. 

Rick laughed. "That's a relief, for a second I thought you were gay," He said. Phineas clenched his fist in his lap. How was he related to this man?!

"Any questions for me?" Rick asked.

"Why?" It was the only word that could come out.

"Huh?"

"Why?" Phineas's voice got stronger. "Why did you leave?"

"I was scared of parenthood Phineas, two kids was enough to scare me straight out of marriage," Rick said.

"But I needed you!" Phineas practically yelled, leaning forward and staring at Rick, eyes blazed in anger. "I was raised without a father for four years! Do you know how hard that is?! Everyone in preschool talked about how cool their dad was! How their dad was a fireman, or a police officer, or a doctor, and what was my dad?! My dad was no where to be found!" He felt the tears streak down his face, and he began to wipe them off on his sleeve. "I needed you...and you left..." He stood abruptly.

"Phineas-"

"You left." He looked at Rick. "And there's nothing in the world you can do to make it better." 

He turned and went upstairs, slamming the door to his bedroom. 

He heard Rick slam both chairs, and then storm out the door. He opened the door softly, spotting Perry siting outside the door.

"Hey boy," He said, gently kneeling down and picking up his platypus. He scratched his head. 

He headed down to the bathroom, his towel over his shoulder and his platypus in his arms. 

For the first time in awhile he ran a bath because a bath was the only god damn thing in the house that seemed okay to him.

While sitting in the hot water, practically falling asleep from how comfortable he was, he realized how thin he had gotten. He could see the bones of his rib cage prodding out from how little fat and muscle he had.

"...I should probably eat dinner..." Phineas said, looking at Perry who had fallen asleep on top of his clothes. He smiled and looked back at the water, and then up at the ceiling. 

"You're gay aren't you?"

The words echoed in his head like a terrible broken record. He flinched at them. Yes, yes he liked boys. Why did that matter?

He had brought the razor with him into the tub, but hadn't actually planned to use it. It was there as a comfort, as a way of saying to himself, 'I brought it only because I felt it belonged here.' He took it slowly, his hand shaking as he stared at it. He was horrified, he felt as though he had no control over his body or his motion. A sick feeling in his stomach slowly arose as he slowly, slowly, slowly pushed the razor against his skin. Tears ran down his face and a hard lump formed in his throat. 

The way Rick said it made it sound like it was a disease.

"That's a relief, for a second I thought you were gay..." 

The once clear bath water had slowly turned red.

~~~

Ferb got home a little after ten. He saw his mother and father sitting at the the kitchen table, his mother drinking coffee and his father tea. 

"Hey mum, hey dad," he said as he walked past. They shot him a friendly glance, Linda waving. She looked at Lawrence, who nodded. They beckoned Ferb over. 

"Sweetie, do you know that your brother isn't...exactly doing well?" His mother asked. "That there's something wrong with him in the head?" Ferb nodded. 

"We, we were going to take him to a doctor tomorrow, or a therapist. He needs help and we want to get that for him. Would you be willing to come along with us? We think having you there would be best for him," His father said. 

"Of course I'll go, I was going to ask if you didn't offer," Ferb said. He paused for a moment. "How long is Rick going to be here?"

"I told him the end of the month, you can handle that right? Just another week?" His mother asked. Ferb nodded. Another week, and this whole mess would be over. He could handle another week. 

"How are you doing?" His mother asked. 

"As well as I can," Ferb said. "Does Candace know he's here?"

"No, I don't want this affecting her, as for as she knows Rick was never here," Linda said. 

"Where's Phineas?" Ferb asked. 

"Upstairs, we don't want to bother him," Lawrence said. "You can go if you'd like, your mother and I will probably be up later, we're talking over a few things."

Ferb would have asked what those things were, but he simply nodded and went upstairs. He entered his room and saw no signs of Phineas. He went down the hall to the bathroom, trying the handle softly. It was locked, but there was no sound inside. Just the gentle hum of the bathroom fan. 

"Phineas...?" He asked softly. He put his ear to the door. He could hear gentle sobbing. He gently knocked on the door. The sobbing slowly quieted. 

"Y-yeah...?" A voice called out. 

"You okay?" He asked.

"Y-yeah...I-I'll be out in a second..." 

"Can you unlock the door? I, need to get something," Ferb asked, looking at the floor and hoping to god he was just crying. 

"Y-yeah..."

There was the sound of water sloshing, and a drain being pulled as the water drained. He had taken a bath. 

There was a click as the door unlocked. 

"Give me a sec..." Phineas said. There was silence for a second. "You can come in..."

Ferb opened the door, and almost stumbled back. The bathtub had red water in it. He acted like he didn't see it or the red water running down Phineas's legs. His brother curled his arms into his abdomen. 

"Do you know where my razor is?" Ferb asked. Phineas went into the bathtub and got the razor out. Yeah, there was blood on that. He gave it to Ferb. "Thanks..." Ferb said. He gently placed it on the sink top. "Why was it in there?" He asked. 

"I was using it," Phineas said. 

"You don't shave," Ferb said. Phineas went quiet. Ferb studied him for a moment, how sickly he looked. He was so thin, so pale, so fragile looking in the hard bathroom light. 

"Phineas..." Ferb said. "Let me see your wrists."

"No..." Phineas said, not looking at Ferb. He played with the towel he had wrapped around his waist. 

"Please Phineas, show me your wrists..."

Phineas shook his head, tears glimmering in his eyes. "No..." he said. 

"Phineas."

Phineas looked at Ferb, who was terribly concerned. His eyes were glazed. 

"They're not just on my wrists..." Phineas whispered. "T-they're on my thighs too...and my stomach..."

Ferb slowly took Phineas's arm's. They were horrible. Red lines marked up his arm like a red pen on a failed test. They were still bleeding. 

"Phineas..." Ferb whispered. "Phineas..." it was all he could say. His brother, the love of his life, his everything and anything, so hurt, so terribly hurt. He was in so much pain mentally he took it out on himself physically. "Why didn't you tell me...?" Ferb asked, looking up at Phineas with eyes that were filled with tears. He did not cry though. "I would have helped you, I would have done anything for you..." he whispered. 

"I didn't want to burden you..." Phineas whispered back. 

"Phineas I love you...you would NEVER burden me..." Ferb said. "Please...please don't hurt yourself..." Phineas grabbed onto Ferb tightly, tears turning up in his eyes. 

"Don't let go of me Ferb...I need you..." Phineas whispered. "I need you...." 

"I need you too..." Ferb whispered, hugging him tightly back. "Please don't hurt yourself..."

Phineas didn't respond to this. He pressed his face into Ferb's shoulder. "I'm a mess..."

"You're my mess," Ferb whispered, slowly sitting down against the wall. Phineas followed him to the floor. "I'll clean you up."

~~~

Ferb was careful with bandaging up all the cuts, a quiet silence falling between them. 

"Are you mad?" Phineas finally asked. Ferb shook his head. "No, I'm not," he said. He gently helped Phineas up when he was done. 

In their room an old platypus slept on Ferb's bed. 

Phineas changed and sat beside Perry, petting his head. Ferb sat on the other side of the platypus, stroking his back. 

"At least he's not affected by this," Ferb said. 

"That, or he just hides it," Phineas said. Perry awoke with a soft chatter. He wiggled, snorting and resting his bill against Phineas's leg. 

"Hey boy," Phineas said. 

The platypus chattered. Phineas picked him up and placed him in his lap. Ferb stood up went over to their shared desk. He began to pick differ colored markers from the cup that held all of their pens and pencils and other writing utensils. He came back with a purple and black marker. 

"Can I see your arm?" Ferb asked. Phineas gave it to him, to which he gently rolled over to reveal the scarred wrist. He looked down at the bandages with a sad look in his eyes, but didn't speak. 

Slowly he began drawing on his underarm. 

"What are you doing?" Phineas asked. He couldn't see it, Ferb's hair was in the way. When he was done, he looked back up at Phineas. 

He had drawn a butterfly and colored it in with purple. Ferb's name was signed at the bottom. 

"Okay Phineas, this butterfly, it's alive now," Ferb said. 

"What?" Phineas asked, staring down at the butterfly drawn on his arm 

"You can't cut, or else that'll kill it. You can't wash it off, it has to come off on it's own, that way it can fly away," Ferb said. "You promise you won't kill it?" He asked. 

"I promise," Phineas said. 

"If you'd like," Ferb said. "You can draw one on me."

Phineas did. He drew an orange butterfly and signed his name. Ferb smiled.


	9. Sick In the Head

Phineas awoke in the middle of the night to a somewhat loud sound. He knew that sound. It was his stomach. 

He was hungry. He had forgotten to eat. 

He looked around, squinting at the red numbers on his alarm clock. 

2:35 AM. 

He sat back. 

"I just want to sleep..." he whispered. "Is that too much to ask?"

He heard Ferb shift. 

"Phineas, are you okay?" 

He looked over at Ferb, who was sitting up in bed and looking at him. He was about to answer, when suddenly his stomach growled. 

"You didn't eat dinner," Ferb said. 

"I'm not hungry," Phineas said. 

"Phineas I can hear your stomach from here," Ferb said. He slowly got out of bed. 

"Wait, where are you going?" Phineas asked. 

"To get you food," Ferb said. "It's okay Phineas, you just stay and rest."

 

Ferb went downstairs and went into the fridge and pulled out a frozen pizza. He read the instructions and took the pizza from the box. He put the pizza in the microwave and turned it on. 

He turned when he heard the floorboards creek behind him. 

"Oh, it's you," he said, staring at Rick. "What are you doing up?" He asked, turning back to the microwave. 

"Wondering who the hell is using a microwave at two am," Rick said. 

"Pardon my noise," Ferb said, "Just getting it for my brother." He looked at the time. Three more minutes. 

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. For a brief moment, he thought Rick had left. 

"Can I help you with something?" Ferb asked, turning to look at Rick. 

"No, I'm just thinking," Rick said. Ferb said no more. 

"You're British." 

"Bloody hell, really?" Ferb said. "I hadn't noticed."

"Were you born here?"

Ferb's eyebrow furrowed. 

"No, born in England," he said. "I don't remember much though." That was a lie. 

"What happened to your mom?" 

"I don't know," he lied, opening the microwave when it began to beep. "Please leave my personal life alone-" he paused, before adding, "-and please leave Phineas alone." 

"He's my son."

"And he's my step-brother, whom I've been with longer than you have. Do you even know his birthday?" Ferb asked. 

"I...well...no..."

"I thought so," Ferb said. He shut the microwave door with his elbow. "Now, go back to bed or thinking or whatever the hell it is you do." He set the pizza on the counter and went into the fridge, pulling out a bottled iced tea. He picked the pizza up with one hand and the drink in the other. He turned. Rick was gone. 

"Good riddance..." he whispered to himself before heading upstairs. 

~~~

He went into their room and shut the door. The light was on, Phineas was sitting on the bed with Perry to his side. His purple poetry book was pressed against his legs as he wrote in it. 

"Hey," Ferb said lightly. Phineas lightly shifted to make room for Ferb. He shut the book and put it on the nightstand. Ferb sat beside him. 

"Eat," he said. "You'll sleep better."

Phineas took the pizza and set it in his lap. He took a miniature slice and took a small bite. 

When he finished half, he drank a quarter of the iced tea. 

"You sure you don't want more?" Ferb asked. Phineas shook his head. 

"I just want to sleep to be honest," he said with a shaky laugh. "Sleeping's been getting a little harder..." 

Ferb put the pizza and the drink on the nightstand they shared. 

"Then get some sleep," he said. "And you know what? To make sure you sleep-" he slowly began to adjust himself so he could properly see Phineas. "-I'm gonna stay here until you're fast asleep." 

Phineas smiled, and shut his eyes. He opened then again and looked up at Ferb. 

"Ferb?" He said. 

"Yes love?" Ferb asked, looking down at him. 

"Thank you, thank you for everything," Phineas said. "I'm so lucky to have you, not just as a brother but, y'know, more than that," Phineas said. He looked down. "...as a boyfriend," he said quietly. 

"Of course," Ferb said. "Who would I be if I didn't help you?" 

"Yeah but," Phineas looked back up at him. "You've done more than help me. That means a lot. Thank you," he said. 

"Now get some sleep silly," Ferb said. Phineas brought himself closer to Ferb, he could smell the cologne Ferb had put on the day before. He always liked that smell, it smelt like home. 

Ferb wrapped his arms around Phineas, hands linking behind his back. He felt Phineas's arms wrap around him in a hug. 

"I love you..." Phineas whispered. 

"Love you too sleepyhead," Ferb said. 

~~~

Phineas slept on. Ferb himself fell asleep on Phineas's bed, awaking to find Phineas curled up beside him. He was still fast asleep, hands pressed in towards his body. He looked so fragile. 

The moment Ferb moved to get a shower, Phineas shot awake. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Ferb said. Phineas fell back onto the pillow, gripping back onto Ferb. 

"...your cologne smells nice," he said. Ferb laughed quietly. 

"I'm gonna go get a shower, okay?" He asked. Phineas nodded and let go of him. He curled into a tight ball. 

Ferb went down to the bathroom, Perry as his feet. He looked into the bathtub, a red glow still reflecting in it. How much blood had Phineas lost?

Not wanting to think about that, he turned the shower on and ran the water over the walls of the tub. 

When the tub was clean enough, he took his shirt off. 

~~~

Phineas slowly got dressed, putting on his final shoe when Ferb walked into the room, towel wrapped around his waist and the clothes he slept in in his arm. 

Phineas looked away quickly. He felt stiff, a hotness rushing to his face. He felt it tingle, and immediately felt embarrassed. 

He had just woken up too. He didn't need to be sexually aroused this early in the morning. Well, it wasn't early, eight o' clock. 

"Phineas? Are you okay?" Ferb asked. Phineas didn't answer for the fear it would come out wrong. He begged that his body would calm down and he could finish the task at hand. Tying his shoes, yes, he was tying his shoes. 

"Phineas?"

He felt Ferb's hand touch his shoulder and at once the tingling got worse. He felt his face grow red. 

There came a soft laugh from Ferb. 

"Oh I see. Puberty hitting hard?" Ferb asked. 

"D-do you have a shirt on?" Phineas asked, turning to look at him. He had his pants on and was putting his belt on, but no shirt. He turned back. Shoes! He was tying his shoes! 

He felt warmth in his back as Ferb's bare chest pressed against his back. His chin was just over his head. 

"Let me help," Ferb said. 

"S-stop it..." Phineas said with a laugh. "Yo-you're making it worse..." Ferb arm's reached around his body and began to tie his shoe. "What? I'm just tying your shoe," Ferb cooed. 

"W-well you're also-oh..." Phineas rasped, feeling a biting sensation on his neck. He felt himself grow even worse. Ferb trailed light nibbles up to Phineas's jaw line. 

"S-stop...I gotta go downstairs...mom and dad are here..." Phineas said. 

"I'm not leaving any marks," Ferb said. "Don't worry." He finished tying Phineas's shoe. Phineas quickly turned and grasped Ferb's face, kissing it deeply but quickly. He pulled away, but Ferb brought him back. 

It was a brief make-out session before Ferb broke away to get a shirt on. 

"Does that satisfy your needs for now?" Ferb asked as he went through his shirt drawer. 

"Y-yeah...for now..." Phineas said. He laughed a bit. "That one time, we...did it. I didn't even know what was going on...I mean I knew but, it felt weird to have it actually happen..."

"You can say sex Phineas," Ferb said as he pulled a gray long sleeve on. He rolled the sleeves up. "We're all adults here."

"Well some of us are," Phineas said. "Some of us on the other hand are five-year-olds trapped in a seventeen-year-old's body."

"You know you love me," Ferb said, walking over to Phineas and offering a hand to help him up. 

"Yes, yes I do," Phineas said, taking his hand and getting up. 

 

Downstairs both parents were sitting at the table sipping tea and talking about yesterday's news. Both boys joined into the conversation whilst eating breakfast. The conversation was pleasant enough, and a pause came once the topic was done with being discussed.

"So Phineas, your father and I were thinking, maybe we could get you some help. You know, just to make sure you're okay," his mother said, trying to make it flow with the conversation. 

"We just want to make sure you're right in the head," his father said. "We know this whole predicament we're in right now is a little hard on you."

"I'll be there," Ferb said. He rested his hand on Phineas's leg under the table. Phineas sat back. 

"Help...?" He muttered. "So, a therapist?"

"Well, yes Phineas. A therapist. We're worried about you," his mom said. 

Phineas was quiet. He didn't speak, he just looked down at the floor. The only sounds were a clock ticking in the kitchen and an old platypus off snoozing somewhere. He finally looked up. 

"I get it mom. I know, something's wrong with me," Phineas said. "I'm just sick, you're taking me to see a doctor for it." He looked down. "It's okay, I'm not mad. I can never be mad at you guys," he said. He looked up at them again. "It's just been hard."

"I know honey, I know," his mom said. She looked to be about to cry. "Come here," she said. 

Phineas stood and walked around the table, kneeling down between both of his parents and hugging them tight. Ferb smiled from across the table, picking up his cup of tea and sipping it as he watched. 

~~~

Phineas sat with Ferb in the lobby area. It was simple enough. It had glass windows for natural lighting and plants for decor. The walls were a dark wood and there was a water dispenser in the corner with a few vending machines. 

Ferb looked up quick and held Phineas's hand between their legs. 

"You going to be okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah..." Phineas said. He leaned into Ferb. "I'm just- I don't know. What if something's actually wrong?" Phineas asked. 

"Then we fix it, like we always do," Ferb said. He heard Phineas sigh. "Hey," he said, tilting Phineas's head up to look at him. "Sometimes dark moments can show you the light."

"Little corny there bro," Phineas said with a smile. Ferb laughed, looking into those two tired blue eyes he loved so much. 

"Phineas?" Asked a gentle voice. Phineas looked up, spotting a mild-aged woman with shoulder-length brown hair. She wore glasses and a pink sweater over a black shirt. She was smiling. 

"Yeah, that's me," he said. Ferb whispered an 'I love you' into his ear and let go of his hand. 

He followed her into a small room. One side was entirely made of windows, and a few plants were throughout the room. Two lounge chairs were near the windows, and a small mini-fridge under a sink in the corner. 

"Have a seat, make yourself comfortable," she said. She turned on a small fan and had it pan around the room. "My name is Dr. Norris." She motioned to the fridge in the corner. "Would you like something?" She asked.

"Just water please," Phineas said. She nodded and went to the sink, coming back with a styrofoam cup filled with water. He took it with a polite "thank you" and sipped it once before setting it down on the coffee table in-between them. On the coffee table were some tissues and also a small wooden box filled with sand and wooden shapes. 

"For people who need something in their hands while talking," Dr. Norris said. She picked up her clipboard off the coffee table. "So, mom and dad tell me you've been having trouble at home," she said. "Can you, explain it for me?" She asked.

"I mean, what is there to explain? My current dad is my step-dad, and he's my biological-" the word felt like poison on his tongue. "-dad."

"I see, so your biological dad came back and, what does he want?" Dr. Norris asked.

"I think he just wants to get close to me, but I can't do that. I can't let him get close to me. He left when my sister and I were really young, I can't forgive him. I heard him say that I scared him out of marriage. I think that means it's my fault he left," Phineas said, playing with the edge of his shirt.

"It's nobody's fault. He left on his own," the doctor said. She wrote something down. "Can you describe the emotions you have when you think of him?"

"Hatred," Phineas said, shutting his eyes and just seeing Rick standing there in a room filled with fire, looking like the devil. "Anger, sadness, betrayal..." he stopped himself there.

"Does this come from...guilt?" Dr. Norris asked. "From, thinking it's your fault perhaps?"

"Yes," Phineas said. "Yes it does..." 

"Now I want to talk about something else too. How have you been dealing with all of this? It must be hard," Dr. Norris said, leaning forward.

"I..." Phineas didn't answer. He just kept playing with his shirt. 

"You want to play with the sand?" She asked. He nodded and slowly moved out of the chair and onto the floor, sliding the box of sand towards him and toying with that.

"I...don't think I handle it in a healthy way," Phineas said.

"How so?" She asked. She was writing again.

"I...don't really eat a lot." Phineas said, rolling the sphere through the sand. "And, sometimes my dad talks to me and, I don't like what he says, and there's guilt and, uh, I...take it out on myself," His voice was getting shaky.

"Do you mind if I see?" Dr. Norris asked. Phineas shook his head. "I don't want anyone looking at the scars." 

"Okay," Dr. Norris said. "What else?" She asked. 

"It's just been hard to feel happy recently. I usually try to have a good outlook on life, but ever since he came I just, I can't feel truly happy. I think the last time I felt sincerely happy was..." He was about to say the time he confessed his feelings to Ferb, but that didn't come out. Something else did. "...my sixteenth birthday."

"How long ago was that?" Dr. Norris asked.

"I don't know, the days just kind of blend together into this mess of day and night," Phineas said. 

"Do you still enjoy your hobbies? Mom and dad said you like to create blueprints," She said.

"Yeah, I actually build them. Ever since 4th grade summer I've built them," Phineas said.

"Mom and dad know this?" Dr. Norris asked.

"I think so," Phineas said. She nodded and wrote more down.

"I just feel, hopeless now. I've been, experimenting and, I think I'm bisexual, maybe even gay," Phineas said. "And my biological dad said something along the lines of, 'You better not be gay.'" 

"So you feel like he'll reject you because of your sexuality. What about your parents?" Dr. Norris asked.

"I don't know what they'll think," Phineas said. 

"You're sexually active?" Dr. Norris asked. Phineas nodded slowly. "Just once though."

"I see, any boyfriend or girlfriend?" She asked.

He wanted to say yes so badly, but he knew better than to go blurting out he was in a relationship with his step-brother. "No," he said.

"Is there anyone in your life that you feel like you could trust with your life?" Dr. Norris asked.

"My step-brother Ferb," Phineas said. "Definitely him. I trust him with everything. He and I have been together since I was four and he was five. I told only him everything about what I do, and he's helped me a lot. To help me, he drew a butterfly on my arm," Phineas showed that with pride. "He said I can't hurt myself or it'll die, and I can't wash it away. It has to fade away on it's own so it can fly," Phineas said. 

"Has it worked?" Dr. Norris asked.

"Yeah, I think it's worked," Phineas said. 

Dr. Norris smiled and wrote more down. "Now, this may seem a little grim but, if I gave you an option that you didn't have to wake-up tomorrow, but never see your family or friends again, would you take that option?"

"I...you mean like suicide?" Phineas asked.

"If that's how you see it," Dr. Norris said.

"I mean, I'm really tired. I'm having a hard time sleeping at night and I get random pains in my body. That would be nice, to not hurt and to be able to sleep. Would it be warm?" Phineas asked.

"You'll never feel cold again," Dr. Norris said.

"Tempting, really tempting," Phineas said with a small laugh. "But I wouldn't. I got my family and my friends," Phineas said.

Dr. Norris nodded and wrote more down. "Well Phineas, I think we made excellent progress today. It was nice to meet you!" She said with a warm smile. Phineas smiled back. "Yeah, nice to meet you too." 

She stood and walked to the door. She opened it and allowed him out.

"If I may, I'd like to have to word with mom and dad," she said as they walked into the main lobby. "I won't tell them anything you told me, I'm just going to tell them you were great and how you're doing," she said.

"How am I doing?" Phineas asked.

"Great," She said.

"Am I sick?" Phineas asked.

"Well," she said. "Yes. But I'm going to give you some medicine, that'll help you get better." 

"You mean...anti-depressants?" Phineas asked. 

She nodded and opened the door to the lobby. He entered slowly. 

She went to his parents and took them to the side, speaking in hushed whispers. Phineas watched them. His dad looked shocked, and his mom began to cry. Dr. Norris looked to be trying to reassure them, and then flipped to a blank piece of paper on her clipboard. She wrote something down and handed it to them. They nodded as she began to talk more.

"Hey," Came a voice from beside him. Phineas jumped and looked to his left. It was just Ferb. "How'd it go?" He asked, gently pressing his shoulder to Phineas's.

"Good I think...Ferb, she said I was sick. I'm going to need anti-depressants," Phineas said. Ferb was quiet, and then he gently entwined his fingers with Phineas's.

"You're like a machine Phineas. You were working well before but, you just encountered a problem that wasn't programmed into your head, so you broke down a little bit. That's okay though, because now we just got to fix you," Ferb said. 

Phineas laughed a bit at his analogy. He looked up at Ferb fully now, unlocking their hands. He glanced at his parents and the doctor. They were still talking.

He looked back up at Ferb.

"I really want to kiss you..." Phineas whispered. Ferb smiled. "Later, I promise," he said. 

"I told her I was, bisexual or gay, I told her I was experimenting, but I didn't tell her we were dating," Phineas said softly. 

"It's okay," Ferb said. He pulled his brother closer, Phineas resting the top of his head against Ferb's chest. He rubbed Phineas's back. "It's going to be okay..."

~~~

At home, Phineas laid on the floor with a platypus on his abdomen. Ferb was across from him, legs tangled in his. 

"Where's Rick?" Phineas asked. 

"He won't be coming home anytime tonight. He's at a...gun production of some kind," his mom called from the kitchen. 

"Really? So, no Rick at all tonight?" Phineas asked with a smile. 

"No Rick," his mom said 

Phineas smiled so brightly. Ferb hadn't seen him smile like that in awhile. It was so great, so heart warming. He smiled himself. 

"Your father and I are going out to pick up your medication, and then some dinner for later," his mother called as she passed them. 

"Alright mom!" Phineas said. His mother smiled. His dad walked by and looked down at him. 

"Hold down the place while we're gone," he said with a smile. 

"Sure thing dad," Ferb said. Phineas laughed. Both parents left the house. 

Phineas kept stroking the platypus on his stomach. There was a quiet moment between them, a content silence that travelled through the house. 

Suddenly, Ferb sat up. Phineas did too to look at him, gently placing Perry to the side. 

"Hey," Ferb said. "We're home alone."

"Yeah," Phineas said with a smile, looking down. "We are."

"We can do whatever we want, no one would catch us."

"What are you getting at-"

Ferb kissed him. It was quick, but it still left Phineas gasping and smiling and turning a slight red. 

"Oh! You meant that!" He said, laughing ever so slightly. "Yeah, we could do that."

Ferb slowly crawled around to his backside, his legs sliding to either side of Phineas. He wrapped his arms around his waist and began to kiss his neck, nibbling just enough it wouldn't leave mark. 

Phineas laughed like a school girl. Just as he had done that morning, Ferb trailed his kissing up Phineas's neck to his jawline. 

He then stopped. 

"Did I ever mention you look sexy?" Ferb whispered into his ear. "You look so amazing and fit."

"Y-you mean athlet-" Phineas stopped as Ferb kept trailing kisses up his neck. 

"No," Ferb said. "I mean it in a British way." His hands began to move slowly, finding their way under Phineas's shirt and lovingly caressing up and down his lover's skin. 

"You're so handsome," He purred, continuing with his massaging of Phineas's skin. His voice was dark, rich, full of flirtatiousness that made Phineas red. "If I cashed in my chips on you, I'd be rich," Ferb whispered.

"Y-you're sexy too," Phineas said, laughing a bit.

"Am I now?" Ferb asked. He nipped playfully under Phineas's jawline, sucking slightly. He earned small laughs from Phineas.

"You're so adorable when you laugh," Ferb said. He grabbed Phineas by his shoulders and gently spun him around.

"Your eyes are so pretty," Ferb said, gently running his hand over Phineas's face. Phineas leaned into his touch, looking up at him.. He was smiling like an idiot, and his hands found their way to Ferb's neck. 

Ferb kissed him, finding his way into Phineas's mouth and feeling around. He gently pressed his weight onto Phineas's body, who fell back against the floor. Fer fondled with Phineas's hair in one hand, and in the other he caressed Phineas's back under his shirt.

Phineas's hands were gripping onto Ferb's back, sinking into the fabric of his shirt. His one hand trailed up to his hair, which he grabbed onto. 

Ferb let go to breath, Phineas staring up at him with two loving eyes. "I love you..." He said. 

"Really? I hadn't noticed," Ferb said with a playful smile. Phineas laughed at this, and then kissed Ferb.

The make-out session ended with cuddling, Phineas pressed against Ferb, who had fallen beside him. He looked up at Ferb, who looked down at him with pure love in his eyes.

"I love you Ferb, I know I keep saying that but, I really do. I just don't know how else to say it," Phineas said. 

"It's alright silly. I love you too," Ferb said, kissing Phineas on the top of his nose. He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh, 38 kudos. Thank you guys so much! The kudos, comments, and bookmarks mean the world to me! It helps inspire me to continue to write when I see people enjoying what I make. Thank you so much!!
> 
> In this chapter, I wanted to write a bit of fluff to give myself a break from writing angst, but I do have a lot planned for the chapters to come! Stay tuned!


	10. A Normal Day

Late that night, Phineas was curled against Ferb, smiling to himself as Ferb hummed a song. 

"Today was great," Phineas said. He looked up at Ferb. "It was just a normal day, no break-downs or tears or anger or anything. It was just, normal," he said. Ferb played with a lock of Phineas's hair, twirling it as he looked down at him.

"It was," Ferb said. "In fact, I haven't seen you smile like you did today in awhile. You should smile more often, it looks good on you," Ferb said.

Phineas smiled. 

"Yeah, like that," Ferb said. "You know we haven't really done anything constructive in awhile."

"Oh, yeah," Phineas said. "I haven't thought about that." He looked down. "I wonder how Buford and Baljeet are, I haven't talked to them since we built that speedway."

"Maybe you should, it could help you," Ferb said. "I'm sure they miss you."

"I miss them too," Phineas said. "You think the weather's gonna be nice tomorrow?"

"Knowing how the last few days have been overcast and rainy, I'm not sure," Ferb said. "But hey, we can always stay inside."

"What would we make?" Phineas asked.

"We could make the outside on the inside," Ferb said. "You know, grass and sky and all that?" 

"Yeah! And we could actually simulate the heat! And maybe also give it mountains!" Phineas said. "We could put horses and deer and rabbits there!" He sat up. "There could be clouds and sunsets and nights that run on an hour clock. One hour it's day, the next it's sunset, the next night..."

Phineas kept talking, and Ferb just sat back and watched him with a smile. He loved just watching Phineas talk about his inventions. He got so passionate about them, his eyes would light up and his hands would start moving as if he could see the invention in his head. It was just one of those things that made Phineas so wonderful in his eyes.

"You think we could simulate water?" Phineas asked, looking at Ferb.

"Definitely," Ferb said.

"Awesome!" Phineas said. "You wanna draw the blueprints with me?" He asked. 

"Of course," Ferb said.

~~~

The following day was overcast, but not raining. Phineas still intended to build the outside on the inside. As he toyed with wires on the ceiling to stimulate the sky, he heard the doorbell ring.

"Hey Ferb," he said. Ferb looked up from bolting sensors into the floor. "Can you get that please?" He asked. Ferb nodded and stood up, heading for the door.

"Thanks!" He called after him. Ferb opened up the door. "Hey guys," he said. 

"Hey Ferb!" Isabella said, smiling to her British friend. 

"Is Phineas okay?" Baljeet asked. "I haven't heard from him in awhile."

"Yeah, heard Dinner-bell had a huge meltdown," Buford said.

"We're kind of worried about him," Isabella said.

"He, went to the therapist yesterday," Ferb said, stuttering over his words as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You didn't hear this from me, but, they said he was depressed. He's doing better today but, he's still a little unstable. Just don't bring up his dad. Act like nothing is wrong." Ferb spoke in a hushed voice.

"Hey Ferb! What's taking so long! Did they get lost?" Phineas called from the living room, laughing at his own joke.

"Nope! Just shooting the breeze!" Ferb said. 

"We weren't planning on it," Baljeet muttered.

"Just a normal day," Isabella whispered. Ferb nodded to them and walked back to the living room, picking up his screw driver. Isabella walked in with a smile.

"Hey Phineas!" She said, looking up at him on his ladder. "What chya' doin'?" She asked. Phineas looked down at her with a smile. "What chya' doin'? You haven't said that in awhile, whats the occasion?" Phineas asked with a laugh.

"Oh nothing!" Isabella said, laughing a bit herself. 

"Hey, where's Perry?" Baljeet said with a small laugh. Buford laughed along with him.

Phineas stepped off the ladder. "Ferb and I are building outside inside! We've put sensors in the ground and on the ceiling to get a 3D scan of the surrounding area and simulate grass and sky. Furniture will be changed into rocks and mountains and other outdoorsy things while food turns into animals like rabbits and deer. Heat will also work from the ventilation system Ferb installed," Phineas explained.

"Didn't ch'you already build a simula-" Buford began but was interrupted by an elbow in the gut by Baljeet. "It's a fantastic idea Phineas!" Baljeet said. Phineas grinned. Ferb looked up. "All good in the ground sensors," he said.

Phineas took out a remote. "Ready?" He asked. Ferb came up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Phineas pressed a button on the remote. 

Grass immediately grew from from the carpet, and the ceiling vanished into the blue sky with clouds. The furniture was changed into rocks and bushes and the walls turned into trees. The stairs were a mountain that disappeared above a cloud line, the upstairs.

"Wow," Isabella said. She looked to Phineas. "You did an amazing job..." She then suddenly looked to Ferb. "You too Ferb!" Ferb nodded. 

"It's just like the outdoors!" Baljeet said. He knelt down and touched the grass. "It feels real."

"That's because it is," Phineas said. "The molecules in the carpet have shifted to feel more like grass, hence making it carpet grass."

"Impressive," Baljeet said. 

Phineas began walking around, giving a tour with the group. Ferb stayed near the back, just watching him with a smile on his face. 

"He seems happy today," Isabella whispered to him. Ferb nodded.

As they went upstairs, Phineas began talking about Mount Everest and how it was the highest mountain in the world. He kept up a conversation with Baljeet and Isabella while also getting a few sly remarks from Buford.

As they got to the top, they explored each area of the house. The bathroom was an oasis. The bathtub was a pond with lily pads in it, frogs hopping within it. Phineas knelt down beside it and ran his hands through the murky water. 

His friends were off checking out the other rooms, so he could stay here for awhile. He stared down at his reflection. 

He was pale, pale and also sickly looking. There were dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep, and his face was thinner. He recognized his eyes though. His eyes had not changed. They were a bit duller yes, but still alive. He ran his hands over his face.

He was still breathing, and that was that. 

He caught a glance of the butterfly on his arm. He had worn sweatshirts and hoodies ever since he had, hurt himself. They covered the scars, but also the butterfly. He pushed up the sleeve of his shirt and looked at it. He rubbed the ink with a smile.

He looked up. A butterfly fluttered over the oasis and landed on a lily pad. 

"Hey lil' guy," Phineas said. The butterfly fluttered over his head and into the false sky. 

He stood up, glancing back at the water. He then walked away. 

~~~

"That was great Phineas," Isabella said as Phineas clicked the remote. The house shifted back into it's original state.

"Thanks! Couldn't have done it without Ferb," Phineas said, hanging his arm around Ferb's neck.

"Yes, it surely is amazing. But how are you going to clean all those sensors up? They kind of stick out of the ground," Baljeet said.   
"Oh don't worry. They fold away into the floor and walls," Phineas said. He clicked a button on the remote and the sensors sunk into the floor and walls. 

"Well that's convenient," Isabella said. 

"Yes, yes it is," Phineas said. He spotted Perry snoozing on the couch.

"Hey, there's Perry," Phineas said, and he laughed. His friends joined in. 

 

"See ya' guys tomorrow!" Phineas said as they walked out. He watched them go, shutting the door once they were gone.

He sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, Ferb sitting next to him. "That was fun," Phineas said, looking at Ferb. Ferb nodded.

"Did you take your medicine?" He asked. Phineas smacked his forehead. "Damn it I forgot," he said. He stood up and went to the kitchen. He went into the cabinet and pulled out a small case with seven compartments on it. Each one was labeled with a day of the week. He opened one.

"There's...two in here," he said.

"Is there now?" Ferb asked. 

Phineas took them both out. One was the normal white pill, and the other was a vibrant purple.

"It's candy," Phineas said. He smiled and looked at Ferb. "Thanks Ferb."

Ferb smiled at him coolly. Phineas poured himself water and put the pill in the back of his throat, drinking the water and swallowing it. He then popped the candy into his mouth.

"Of course dearest," Ferb said, wrapping his arm around Phineas.

"Dearest? What happened to 'silly'?" Phineas asked, smiling at him. 

"You still are silly," Ferb said, kissing his forehead. 

"That nickname kind of grew on me," Phineas said. Ferb just kept kissing him. Phineas turned and kissed him on the lips, gripping onto the collar of his shirt.

He let go, Ferb staring at him passionately. Ferb rubbed his cheek with his thumb, gently nuzzling his neck. 

"You've been awfully touchy lately," Phineas said, trying to stifle his laughter. "Have I?" Ferb asked, a devilish smile over his face. 

"Well ye-AH!' Phineas yelped as he was suddenly tickled by the demon he called Ferb. 

"Ah! S-stop! Haha-stop!" He begged, falling against the counter.

"I can't hear you~!" Ferb sang.

"Please! Please!" Phineas was crying now, sliding down the counter and onto the floor. 

"Then say you love me," Ferb said. 

"I love you! I love you! Stop!" Phineas begged, the tears streaming down his face as he was tortured. 

Perry in the meantime, hopped off the couch and padded towards the plant that sat in the corner. He smiled at them and then put on his agent hat, standing on his back legs and dialing a code onto the backside of the pot. He then slid into a tunnel.

~~~

Perry walked into his lair and hopped into his chair. He hadn't been down there in awhile, mainly due to his retirement. But due to the certain circumstances, he had asked for the O.W.C.A's help as one last favor. They agreed happily, and had anonymously paid for a therapist for his boy.

He clicked a button, and Commander Carl popped up on the screen. He saluted.

"Hello Agent P," He said. "As you requested, a therapist was sent to the Flynn-Fletcher household. She reported back an entire update on Phineas's mental health." A paper was printed out from the counsel below. He tour it off.

"I'm sorry Agent P, but it appears he does have a mental problem. I would recommend keeping an eye on him, it appears Phineas is unstable," Commander Carl said. Agent P read over the report. 

Not to his surprise, he read 'experimenting with another boy,' written on the paper. He wasn't stupid. He had always kept an eye on his boys ever since that guy whom he had heard was Phineas's biological father moved in. He knew he was dangerous, probably the cause to Phineas's mental state.

He gave a sigh. If he could, he would comfort Phineas as a human to human interaction, not a platypus to human. But being the family pet did have advantages. Phineas trusted him not to tell secrets. He knew all of Phineas's fears, his talk of how he loved Ferb and was scared of loosing him, how he wanted sleep and wished he could dream again. It was depressing to hear.

He chattered.

"Be careful Agent P," Commander Carl said. "It...would be a tragedy if something were to happen to Phineas." Perry chattered again and saluted on last time before placing the report under his hat and jumping out of his chair, walking back to the elevator up to his house.

"Good luck..." Commander Carl whispered as he watched him rise back up to the house. 

~~~

Rick was home by six that day. Phineas made it a point to stay in his room. Ferb stayed up there with him. They did crossword puzzles in a book Ferb got on his fifteenth birthday and had shoved under his bed when he got bored by the fifth puzzle. 

He stretched his back out by the fiftieth puzzle. "Do these get harder as they go?" He asked.

"I have a sudoku one," Ferb said. 

"Naw that's cool," Phineas said. He pressed against Ferb. "I never noticed how comfy our room is," he said. 

"Well, this is the longest we've ever spent in it," Ferb said. Phineas entwined his fingers with Ferb's, Ferb letting go of the book of crossword puzzles.

"Yeah, but I don't mind," Phineas said. He kissed Ferb on his cheek. 

"Thanks love," Ferb said. He brought Phineas's hand up to his mouth and kissed it. Phineas kissed Ferb's neck. Ferb dropped the book off the edge of his bed and turned to his side, bringing Phineas close to him. 

"Con amor," Phineas said.

"Te amo más que la vida misma," Ferb said.

"Calm down there bro," Phineas said. "I only know so much Spanish." Ferb laughed at this. A sudden loud shouting came from downstairs. It was indecipherable, but still very loud. 

"I got it," Phineas said, standing up and walking to the door.

"Phineas..." Ferb said, sitting up and giving him a concerned look.

"It's okay," he said. "I got it." Just as he was closing the door, he heard those words. Those god damn words that felt like arrows going through him. 

"I want legal custody over him!"

His hand clenched on the door. 

"No, you're not getting it! He's happy here and without you! You're not getting any visits!"

"I will go to court with this! You can't keep my son away from me!" 

He gritted his teeth.

"Your son?! Your son?! You left him alone for sixteen years!"

"And I'm back now aren't I?!"

"And where would you even take him?"

"My apartment in New York, he can stay weekends!"

"Absolutely not!"

"I don't give a fuck what you think. I'm going to court and I'm asking for rights, I'll take this right up to the Supreme Court if I have to!"

He slammed the door shut.

"Phineas...? What was it?" Ferb asked.

"Nothing," Phineas said, sitting down beside him.

"Phineas..." Ferb said.

"Nothing," Phineas said.

"Phineas."

Phineas looked at his brother, who's concerned look startled him. At first he thought it was anger, but when he saw Ferb's face soften, he knew it was just concern.

"It was just one of their normal fights," Phineas whispered. "It just, it bothers me when they fight. Especially since Rick is so much bigger than our dad. He hurt him once, he can do it again," Phineas said. 

"And if he hurts anyone in this family again, I'll kick his arse," Ferb said. 

"I know you would Ferb," Phineas said. He got off Ferb's bed, throwing Ferb off. Phineas usually wanted to cuddle or kiss or something along those lines before going to bed, and usually going to bed meant going to bed beside Ferb.

"Phineas...? Are you sure you're okay?" Ferb asked. Phineas nodded, turning and facing away from Ferb.

"Remember the butterfly," Ferb said. 

"I know," Phineas said. He felt Ferb come beside him, his chest pressed to his back and his arm trailing over Phineas's waist.

"I love you, so much," Ferb said.

"I love you too," Phineas said. Ferb kissed him.

He smiled. What would he do without Ferb? He, he couldn't live without Ferb. Not for a single day. He didn't know if he could, oh god to go a weekend without him...without his family. He shivered. Alone, two whole days, with Rick.

"Are you cold?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah..." Phineas said. Ferb pressed himself closer to Phineas, trailing light kisses up his neck. Phineas did nothing to show he was interested, but he also didn't move away to show he wasn't either.

"Am I annoying you?" Ferb asked.

"No!" Phineas said, quickly turning to look at Ferb. He placed his hand to the side of Ferb's face. "I'm just...thinking." He smiled up at Ferb. "Thinking about our plan for tomorrow," he said. 

Ferb smiled and kissed his nose. "Do you want to cuddle?" He asked. Phineas nodded and pressed against Ferb. "I need you..." he said. This surprised Ferb. It was different than Phineas's usual 'I love you.'

"I need you too silly," Ferb said. Phineas smiled. Silly...yes, he was silly. He was Ferb's silly. To go a day without hearing Ferb's pet name would kill him.

Phineas wrapped his arms around Ferb's neck, running his hands through Ferb's hair. It was silky smooth and soft, he loved it so much. He loved Ferb so much. His hair, his cologne, his build, his personality, his accent, oh god he loved Ferb so much. 

He couldn't last a day without him.

"I love you, I love you so much," Phineas whispered. "I can't last a day without you...please don't leave me."

"Hey, hey, hey, I would never leave you," Ferb said, his hands gently rubbing Phineas's back. "You and I, we're beyond forever," he promised. "No matter where you go, I'd follow, even if it meant I had to search the stars for you," he said.

Phineas smiled. He kissed Ferb's neck. Ferb held him tight, not wanting to let the love of his life go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, Drown is almost coming to an end. I think there will be a few more chapters after this. But don't worry! This story is getting a sequel! (If you couldn't tell from the fact that I put it into a series). I plan on making Drown a trilogy, with this being book one. So have no fear! It's far from being over.


	11. Jump

Phineas awoke that morning drowsy. He took a quick shower and slipped into that day's clothes. He saw Ferb still asleep on his bed as he changed, careful not to awaken him. As he left the room, he kissed Ferb's forehead. 

"Sleepyhead," He muttered with a smile. He went downstairs, finding cereal in the cupboards. He ate that alone, texting Isabella who was up as well. As he finished, he put his dishes into the dishwasher and fed Perry before looking around. It appeared no one else in the family was up. He looked into the living room. Rick wasn't there.

He returned to the kitchen and went into the cabinet, pulling out the container. He opened that day's slot and took the pill, eating the candy afterwards.

Once he was done, he prepared to go back up to his room to check on Ferb. As he stepped on the stairs, he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

He froze.

"Hey."

He spun around quickly. "Stop sneaking up on me!" He hissed at Rick.

"Sorry," he said. He took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Stop smoking in our house," Phineas said. Rick ignored him.

"Hey, wanna come with me? I'm heading out, gonna pick up a few things," Rick said.

"No, I don't," Phineas said. "I wanna be with my brother."

"Come on Phin, I'll let chya' drive," Rick said.

"No," Phineas said.

Rick went quiet for a few seconds. Phineas thought he was going to say "forget it" and leave, but he just stood there.

"If you come with me, I won't bother ya' for the rest of the day," Rick said. Phineas tightened his grip on the railing of the stairs. 

"If I go, you don't talk to me for the rest of your time here," Phineas said.

"Sure," Rick said. Phineas sighed and took a step down off the stair. "Let's go then."

Rick grinned, revealing pale yellow teeth. Phineas immediately was uncomfortable. He followed Rick nervously. 

Rick drove a truck, and it wasn't a nice one. It was rusted to hell, it was dented and busted, probably still running only due to the little care it got. It hurt Phineas to look at it. Such a machine that could easily be restored, rusted down to such a useless state. It was like seeing a stray dog. 

"Well, hop in," Rick said. He opened the door the driver's side and got in. Phineas reluctantly got into the passenger's side, shutting the door. He felt the sweat roll down his neck as the door locked. 

"Where are we going?" He asked as Rick turned on the engine with a few clicks of his key. "Damn thing..." he muttered once it started after the tenth try. "Out," he said.

Phineas looked out the window. He just wanted this thing to be over.

"Hey, why are you wearing a hoodie? It's the end of July," Rick said. "Well, not with the recent weather anyway."

"I'm cold," Phineas said. 

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. They stopped in at a strange place. It was a colorless cement building.

"Stay here, I'll be back," Rick said. He got out. 

Phineas pondered just jumping out of the car and running home while Rick was gone. He planned it out in his head, the whole scene playing over and over in his head like a broken record. He would lean over and click the unlock button. Then, quietly he would open the door, step out onto the cement, and run. Run faster than he had ever run before. 

Then he would be home, with Ferb waiting for him. 

He played this over and over and over in his head. By the time he had the courage to do it, Rick was already walking back to the car. He shrunk against the door of the car, bracing himself.

He took the item he had purchased out of his bag. It was a six-pack of beer.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" Phineas muttered under his breath. He REFUSED to let Rick drive and drink or do whatever the hell he was going to do.

Rick opened the door and got in, shutting the door and placing the alcohol on the dashboard. He broke one out of the plastic and cracked it open.

"Want one? I won't tell," Rick asked, taking a sip from the can.

"No. And I'm not letting you drive after drinking," Phineas said.

"Jesus, you act so much like your mom sometimes," Rick said. "First date I took her up to the mountains, parked the car and drank. Wouldn't let me drive home. God I loved her..." Rick muttered. 

Phineas gritted his teeth. He blocked it out.

"Now she's chasing Brits and sipping tea and interested in knick-knacks. Imagine that? She used to like singing like a pop star during the night and during the day she'd come with me to go off roading. I'll never get women," Rick said. 

"Stop talking about my mom like that," Phineas said. "She's happy now." He cut off the words "-without you" in that sentence for the fear of being hurt.

"Are you happy?" Rick asked. "Living with her?"

"Of course I am!" Phineas said. "I love my family!" 

"How about your sister?" Rick asked. 

"She does, and she doesn't need you in her life," Phineas said.

"What college does she go to?" Rick asked.

"It doesn't matter," Phineas said. "You're just going to go track her down."

"Maybe I will, she dating anyone?" Rick asked.

"A nice guy named Jeremy," Phineas said. 

"Jeremy? Huh," Rick said. He took another drink.

"So sport, I've been talking with some lawyers, y'know, and I was thinking, maybe you'd like to come visit every now and again?" Rick asked.

"What?" Phineas asked, feeling his skin freeze and his heart stop. He turned back to look at Rick. 

"The lawyers say I should be able to get some visiting rights. I was thinking every other weekend. I could show you what I do, maybe get to know you better," Rick said.

"No!" Phineas growled. "I have my brother! I have my pet platypus! I have my mom and dad! I don't need you!"

"Come on, it won't be that bad. My apartment is nice, and you'll like New York," Rick said.

"No! I'm not going!" Phineas was almost yelling.

"Well, I'm already taking it to court, so you may not have a choice," Rick said. "You'll get used to the idea. You'll get your own room, won't have to share with that brother of yours."

"Ferb!" Phineas yelled. "His name is Ferb! And I don't care that I have to share a room with him!" 

"You can bring that platypus with you," Rick said. 

"Perry wouldn't be happy there, he likes living away from cities," Phineas said. "I'm not going." He looked away from Rick.

"You don't have a choice."

Phineas flashed a look at him. Rick was surprised. It was total rage, such hatred that he could feel the devil himself staring at him. He was impressed, so this snake did have fangs.

"Listen here, you drunk bastard. If you so much as think that I'll go anywhere near your shit-hole apartment you better rethink that. I would rather DIE than go with you."

He held Rick's gaze, his teeth bared and his muscles flared. Phineas had very little muscle on his body, but he did look threatening. 'He gets that from me,' Rick thought.

"Than I guess you better jump off a bridge," Rick said. "Since I plan on getting some rights." 

The hatred was drained from his face. He went emotionless, his eyes widened put his irises shrunken down. His mouth was slightly opened, and his flared muscles were gone. He was condensing. 

Without warning, he turned sharply and began to play with the knob on the door.

"What are you doing?" Rick asked. Phineas didn't respond, he just clicked the knob to unlock the door, He opened it and attempted to jump out. 

"Where the hell are you going?!" Rick snarled, grabbing his shoulder. Phineas turned and bit his hand. He yelled and recoiled, gripping his hand. Phineas jumped out of the vehicle and onto the pavement below. He began running, faster than anything Rick had ever seen.

"I HATE YOU!" Phineas yelled over his shoulder as he ran. He disappeared over the road side. 

~~~

Ferb awoke alarmed, not feeling Phineas in bed beside him. He looked around the room.

"Phineas?" He asked, quickly getting up and looking around. He went down to the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. He was probably doing something in the bathroom.

He opened the door. The light was off, and Phineas was no where to be found.

"Phineas?!" He asked, beginning to panic. He ran downstairs, looking around in the kitchen, the living room, the family room, everywhere. Phineas was no where to be found.

"Phineas!" He yelled, running outside. The redhead was no where to be seen.

He ran inside and upstairs, changing into something random and walking outside his room. His parents were just waking up.

"Hey, have you guys seen Phineas?" Ferb asked, popping his head into their room.

"No, we haven't. Why?" His dad asked.

"He's...missing," Ferb said. His mom shot up, quickly standing.

"What do you mean, missing?!" His mom asked.

"I looked all over the house, I couldn't find him anywhere," Ferb said.

"You don't think he went with Rick do you?" His mom asked, panicked. His dad came up from behind her and put his hands on her shoulders in comfort. She turned and hugged him, crying into his shoulder.

"Don't worry, he's alright. Ferb, can you go look around town?" His dad asked.  
"What? Why aren't we looking?" His mom asked. 

"In case he comes back dear, we need to be here. We also need to get the police on the line, just in case," His dad said.

"It won't come to that, I'll find him," Ferb said. He turned quickly, running into his room and throwing some shoes on, trampling down the stairs and out the door. He got his phone out. 

"Isabella? Yeah, I need your help. Get the Fireside Girls, Buford, and Baljeet and meet me in Central Park as fast as you can. It's Phineas, he's gone missing," Ferb said, heading towards Central Park. 

"I'm on it!" She said. Ferb hung up. By the time he got to Central Park, the group was there. 

"Okay, so, Phineas is missing. No one knows where he went, and I have a lead that he went with, his dad somewhere. Isabella, you and the Fireside Girls check downtown, Baljeet and Buford, I need you guys to stay here and check around, Ill check around the upper parts of town. If you find anything, call," Ferb said. He had drawn a map of town in the dirt, drawing it with a stick to represent the different people.

"Question, what if we find Phineas?" Baljeet asked.

"Try to reason with him, I imagine something set him off again, if you can call me," Ferb said.

"Will do sir," Gretchen said. 

"We'll find him," Isabella said. 

"I hope so," Ferb muttered. He nodded to everyone. "Let's roll."

~~~

Phineas walked home, hands clutched to his body. He was deathly tired from running so far. He looked inside through the window, spotting his parents in the kitchen. He couldn't do it. He couldn't face them, not before what he was about to do. He looked at the sky.

'Not yet..." he thought. He went into the garage, tearing a corner of a blueprint and taking a pencil from Ferb's toolbox. He wrote something down, it took him awhile. Tears fell down his face as he wrote, and he could feel his heart breaking.

He finished the letter and walked back to the front door. He looked in. Yeah, his mom was still crying. He slid the note in through the platypus door and he turned, walking away and down the road. 

He walked slowly, stopping when he reached a music store. He walked in.

"Hey! Phineas! What up man?" The man working the front counter asked. He was in his mid-thirties, and he had sold Phineas his first guitar when he was little. He had taught Phineas a little on playing the guitar and guided him with buying guitars.

"Nothing much, hey, Carman, do you have a spare guitar I could borrow? I'll give it back by the end of the day," Phineas said, walking to his counter.

"Yeah, I got one in the back," He said. "You okay man?" He asked, going to the back of the store. Phineas followed after him.

"Yeah, just wanna strum," Phineas said. Carman pulled a case down from the top shelf, handing it to Phineas.

"Alright then," Carman said. He waved to Phineas as he left.

"See you later Phineas!" Carman said. 

"Thank you Carman," Phineas said. He smiled and waved. "Goodbye."

Carman grew confused. It was a strange way to say goodbye, but he thought nothing of it. He watched the red-head go.

~~~

Ferb went through the upper part of town. He asked everyone there if they had seen his brother. He had no luck. He took out his phone. He called Phineas, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Phineas? It's Ferb. Please call me back," Ferb said into his phone. He shut it off and sighed.

"Phineas where are you..?" He muttered, sitting down on the curb. He looked up at the sky. It was almost mid-day, where was he?

Ferb shut his eyes and hung his head. He remembered so clearly last night, humming to Phineas as he fell asleep in his arms. He was so peaceful. Ferb had played with his hair as Phineas slept. He had one strand of curly hair that was so fun to just twirl. 

He looked up a sky again. He had to find Phineas, he had to make everything okay. 

~~~

It took a few hours to get where he wanted to be. Phineas watched the sun dip over the horizon, painting the sky a beautiful palette of pastel oranges and pinks and a hint of dark purple. 

He smiled sadly at it. 

Phineas walked slowly towards the bridge, walking to the sidewalk off the side. He had travelled this bridge many times before. The most recent when he spent that wonderful day with Ferb. Just Ferb, no one else. 

He travelled to the edge, placing the guitar case down. He opened it and took out the guitar, strumming lightly. 

He made up little five measure songs. He hummed softly to them. 

His phone went off once, but he didn't answer it. He just played his sad songs, humming to them as he looked out onto that setting sun.

'But not yet...' he thought. 'Not yet...'

~~~

Ferb decided to check again. He had to be sure, he had to be one-hundred percent sure that Phineas was not in the area.

He checked in alleyways, in buildings, on benches. But the red-head was no where to be found. 

As he was about to give up, he received a call. His heart sank a little when it was not from Phineas, rather Isabella.

"Ferb!" She practically gasped. Her voice was shaken, like she had been shocked so badly she was crying. "Ferb! You gotta do something...! He's gonna jump...!" 

"What?!" Ferb asked, his hands beginning to shake. "Jump?! What do you mean jump?!"

"The bridge!" Isabella was almost screaming. "Go to the bridge..."

Ferb looked in the direction of the bridge. It suddenly clicked in his head. The bridge, he was going to jump.

He was going to jump.

"Oh no..." He muttered, phone slipping from his hand. "No! No! No!" He picked up his phone from the ground and put it back to his ear. "Isabella! Isabella you there? Call someone! Call the police, call someone!" He screamed. He hung up and began running, adrenaline pumping in his veins and blood roaring in his ears. 

He felt the tears stream down his face as he ran, stinging his face as he ran at only a speed of someone trying to save a life. 

He never ran so fast in his life.

~~~

Ferb reached the bridge just as the sky was turning to night. He knelt over, trying to catch his breath. He stumbled forward, searching for Phineas. 

There he was, sitting behind the rail that kept people from falling, unintentionally anyway. He had a guitar in his hands, strumming notes.

He could hear a soft song from him.

"The water below is lookin' real soft, I bet my family found my letter now they're calling the cops, tonight I wore nice clothes, because I wanna look real nice when I go. The water's calling me, calling me, calling me down, calling me down into the dark," 

His short song ended, and he put the guitar down behind him, looking out at the river.

Ferb slowly moved forward, hand out.

"Phineas..." He said softly.

Phineas jumped, turning sharply to look at him. He clambered to his feet and grabbed the rail like he was going to climb it any second.

"Phineas...love...don't do this," Ferb said softly, trying to grab him and move him away from the edge. "We can go home and talk this out..."

"I don't want to go home!" Phineas said. His grip tightened. 

"Rick isn't there, I promise..." Ferb said, still slowly moving forward.

"Don't come closer!" Phineas snapped, quickly putting a foot up on the rail. He climbed, now standing on top of it.

"Phineas...don't do this. Think of mum and dad, think of Perry, think of Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet, think of me..." Ferb said. "Please don't jump."

Phineas looked away, tears forming in his eyes. He looked back at Ferb.

"No Ferb, I have to do this. I can't live in a world where that, that, that monster is trying to get close to me!" Phineas was starting to yell, the tears sliding down his face as he used the cement pillar beside him for balance. "I'm sick and tired of everyone pretending everything's okay when I'm around! I know I'm messed up in the head! I know I'm sad and lonely and all that junk! I just..." Phineas fell against the cement pillar. His legs were starting to shake. "I don't want to live anymore..."

"It's okay, you can be mad," Ferb said, trying to grab him. "You can be angry, and hateful, and you can destroy anything you need to. Just, please don't jump Phineas...please, don't jump..." 

Just as Ferb grabbed him, Phineas pulled away. 

Sirens sounded in the distance, the red and blue flashing appearing just down the street.

He had to keep Phineas talking.

"I'm sorry Ferb..." Phineas whispered. "I promise that I tried..."

"NO-"

Phineas took a step back, and he fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh, I've reread this a thousand times, wondering if it could have been better. Here you are! Phineas was finally pushed past the breaking point.
> 
> Will he survive? 
> 
> Thank you all for following this story this far! I really can't believe how popular it is! You guys rock!


	12. I Wanna Live Again

As Phineas fell, he could feel the air around him hug his sides as gravity took effect. He shut his eyes, spreading his arms and allowing himself to fall. For a moment, for one sweet moment, he felt like he was flying.

But then he hit that cold water. He began to slowly sink to the bottom, eyes opening to looking up at the blurry world above. There were red and blue lights, he could see those. 

He was peaceful. There was nothing wrong down here, just emptiness. 

He imagined whales below him, and waves above him. He wasn't in a still river, he was in a moving ocean. 

Then came the shortness of breath. He realized he couldn't hold his breath forever. Phineas didn't panic. No, this is what he wanted, to float into space.

He took a breath in, the water flooding his mouth and flowing into his lungs. He began coughing, struggling to breath. The water kept filling his lungs every cough and hack. Going to the surface was near impossible now, he was sinking, sinking into the blackness. The sweet, peaceful blackness.

He was suffocating.

As Phineas sank down, slowly slipping into an unconscious state, he swore he could see bubbles, as if someone jumped in after him.

But then again, it could have just been the lack of oxygen.

~~~

Ferb watched him fall. He began to swear words that would make his dead mother roll in her grave. Without thinking, he was ripping his shirt off. 

The police cars were coming closer now. They slid to a stop when they saw Ferb.

The first one out of the car was Isabella, followed by both of his parents, and then Buford and Baljeet. 

"Ferb! Don't!" She yelled, charging at him. But Ferb had already taken his shoes off, and was charging for the rail. There was nothing she could do to stop him. 

He hopped over the rail and fell in after Phineas.

~~~

Ferb hit the water in a shock, frozen for a second before snapping back into reality. He looked down. He squinted at first, eyes slowly adjusting the water. It hurt, and it was hard to see. He opened his eyes wider. 

There was Phineas, sinking fast. His lips were blue and his eyes were shut, his mouth was partly open. 

Fearing the worse, Ferb swam down towards him, hooking his arms around him. Running out of air, he broke the surface of the water and gasped. He brought Phineas up to his chest, tilting his head back.

His lips were a pale blue, and his eyes were half-opened glassed over. His mouth was partially open, and Ferb could still see water gurgling in his throat. 

Ferb slowly placed his mouth to Phineas's, sucking in. Water came running from his mouth, Ferb spat it out. 

He repeated this process until no water came out, finally delivering breaths to his brother while trying to tread water. 

He felt himself starting to grow tired, very, very tired. 

There was a stir of life from the boy in his arms.

"F-Ferb?!"

But his breathing was still weathered, and his eyes were still glazed, his pupils looking like they were trying to focus. 

Then came that boat, that boat filled with people who had no intentions of rescuing two near drowning teenagers. 

 

By the time they were on board, Ferb was hunched over his brother, desperately breathing into Phineas's lungs and trying to revive him. Phineas slipped in and out of unconsciousness, not knowing where he was or who was trying to save him. 

Ferb still stayed by his side, stroking his hair and whispering it would be okay. 

Because it had to be okay.

~~~

There was an ambulance waiting on the shore. 

They had to physically tear Ferb from Phineas. Phineas was delirious. He called for his dead dog Bucky, he screamed for Candace who was miles away, he cried for his boyfriend, but nobody knew who "my butterfly" was. 

Ferb himself was being treated for many things. Mainly he was cold and tired, and also emotionally drained, and deathly worried about his redhead who was being loaded onto the ambulance. 

They offered him an easer for the shock, which he took to be polite. Before he knew it, there were news vans from channels he never thought would even show their faces in Danville. 

He didn't feel like putting up with that now. 

Ferb stood and slowly began walking, a towel still over his shoulders. There was water in his ear, which was rather annoying. 

He stopped dead when he heard a loud scream. Ferb turned sharply, but stopped when Isabella collided with him. 

"Ferb! Ferb you're so crazy! What were you thinking? What the HELL were you thinking?!" She asked, crying into his neck. 

He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her lightly. 

"Hey, I'm okay," he said. She let go, staring up at him. "You're crazy," she said, wiping the tears away from her eyes. 

"Yes," he said. "Yes I am."

She let go, but he was hugged again by two horribly concerned parents. 

"Ferb! Oh my god...you gave me a heart attack!" His mom cried. "Oh god...I thought I was going to loose both you..."

Even his own father, Lawrence Fletcher, was fighting to control his tears. 

"But you didn't," Ferb said. "Phineas is on his way to the hospital, which is where we should go," he said. His dad nodded. 

"Yes, yes you're right! I'll just speak to this gentleman and ask for a ride..." he said, walking back towards the police car. 

Ferb held his mother as she cried, whispering on how he was okay, how the only thing to worry about right now was Phineas, and that everything was going to be okay. 

He received the same words of concern from Buford and Baljeet. Buford was all choked up, and Baljeet was downright crying. He reassured them that again, he was okay, and that they should worry about Phineas. 

Because Phineas was who needed all the worrying now.  
~~~

 

Phineas wasn't sure if he were dead or not. He was just, in the middle of no where. A field to be exact. It bright, like noon on a summer's day. He began to walk, confused and semi-scared. He looked around, finding no other life besides himself.

Then he saw a butterfly fly over head, lazily flutter in the breeze. He followed after it, following it all the way to a tree.

He knew that tree. It was the tree in his backyard. He smiled up at it like an old friend, placing a hand on it. 

"What are you doing here?" Phineas asked. 

There was no reply. He sat under the tree, looking around. He was alone for awhile, just enjoying the peace and quiet, the warm air, the blue sky, the grass, the shade of the tree.

There came the sound of water running, but Phineas didn't go to investigate it. He simply stayed under the tree, indulging in the moment.

He heard a bark.

He looked up. A brown shape was moving through the grass. He squinted.

"...Bucky?" He asked. The brown dog ran through the grass and straight to him.

"Bucky!" Phineas smiled, falling back as the small fluffy brown dog began to lick his face. Bucky was always a strange dog, a cross between a dachshund and a beagle. He was always full of spirit, even in his last years. Well, until he 'ran away to live on a farm.'

Phineas rubbed his his head, and the dog barked happily. He sniffed him then whined, standing and looking at Phineas. He barked and circled, running. 

"Bucky wait!" Phineas said, standing and running after him.

Bucky halted at a river, where a small wooden boat was. Something was carved into the side. Phineas looked at it and realized what it was.  
'S.S Phineas'

Bucky hopped into the boat and barked.

"You want me to go with you?" Phineas asked. The little dog barked.

"Where does it go?" Phineas asked. Bucky looked down the stream, and Phineas followed his gaze. There was light at the end.

The Light.

"You mean, if I go with you, that's the end?" Phineas asked. "I'm, dead?"

Bucky whined.

Phineas sat down, not getting into the boat.

"I made a mistake..." he muttered. "I was delusional..." The world around him changed. Bucky was by his side. The field turned into the house. Phineas could see his parents crying, his mother upset as she wailed into his father's arms at the kitchen table.

The world shifted into a college dorm, where Candace sat. She was looking at a picture, streaks of mascara going down her face. Jeremy was beside her, arms wrapped around her.

"It's okay Candace..." he whispered. "He's okay now..."

He was whisked away, now looking at his friends sitting at their lunch table at school. Isabella was a mess, Buford's head was in his hands, Baljeet was rubbing his eyes as if fighting to control himself. 

There was one last fade, to his room. His bed was still there, but it was abandoned. There were boxes and boxes of stuff on it, his stuff.

And there was Ferb, huddled up on his own bed, Perry beside him. Ferb was cradling the wrench he had got Phineas for his birthday. Phineas never saw Ferb cry so hard. He looked psychically pained and unwell. 

Phineas walked towards him, tears in his own eyes. 

"F-Ferb?" He muttered. He gasped.

There were scars on Ferb's arms.

"N-no! Please god no!" Phineas almost yelled, turning back to look at Bucky.

"Ferb can't do that! Oh god...oh god...what have I done...?" He muttered.The world whisked away, and Phineas was left in the field with his dog and the boat.

"Surely there's some way..." Phineas muttered, staring at Bucky. "I can't die...I want to live again, please, I want to live again," Phineas asked, falling to his knees. Bucky came up to him and placed his muzzle against Phineas.

He then barked and ran, away from the boat. Phineas stood and followed him, running, praying for someway to go back. 

Bucky stopped. A black mass was before them.

"What is that? Is that how I go back?" Phineas asked.

Bucky shook his pelt.

Phineas looked at it. 

"How bad do you want to live again?" A voice asked.

"A lot," Phineas said.

"Go forward, if you don't come back, wake up. If you do, the boat shall be waiting for you," the voice said. Phineas turned. He spotted a woman. She had long green hair and a beautiful face, enough make-up to enhance her beauty, not hide it.

"Wait...you're-"

She smiled. "Yes Phineas, I am," she said. She walked forward, putting a hand to his face.

"You're too young to die," she said. "Too young to be here." She had a thick British accent, much like Ferb.

Phineas smiled kindly at her.

"I've watched him grow, I miss him so dearly..." Her eyes grew sad. 

"Don't you have a message for him?" Phineas asked.

"I'm sorry," she said. She smiled.

"So if you've been watching over him, do you know?" Phineas asked.

"Hmm? About you and him? Of course I do," She said. "Have courage Phineas, you're surrounded by people who love you, and would do anything to see you happy."

She hugged him tightly. She whispered something into his ear.

"Take care of Ferb for me."

"I will."

She let go and stepped back. Phineas turned back to the blackness. He began to walk forward, only looking back once. The woman was waving, and Bucky was barking and yapping. It pained Phineas's heart to leave, but he knew there was a whole world out there waiting for him.

He was Phineas Flynn after all, and he still had a lot more days to seize.

Taking a deep breath in, he went into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Only 2ish more chapters left!
> 
> Gah, I can't believe how far this story has come, it feels great to write a story from beginning to end and see people enjoy it. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments! They mean the world!


	13. Wake Up

Phineas awoke to a bright light. He coughed terribly, take deep breaths in and out. It hurt to breath, it hurt to even exist. 

But he had to fight it. He focused, looking around the room.

The hospital, he was in the hospital.

He felt his body. He was wearing a hospital gown.

Something, actually, somethings were connected to his arm. His vision came into focus. There was something in his nose, a tube of some kind. He took it out. 

He looked at the tube in his arm, an intravenous. There was another wire in his arm, an ECG.

He fell back, looking at the thing that had been in his nose. It must have been to help him breath.

He looked around. There were cards and baskets and balloons on the nightstand beside his bed, He reached and took one.

"Sending warm thoughts and sunshine your way, with hope they bring some cheer to your day. Love, grandma and grandpa Fletcher," he smiled and put the card back. 

He read a few others. One from Django Brown who was off at art school, one from Candace who said she'd be flying in real soon to check in on him, one from Isabella and her mother, one from Baljeet and Buford, one from his other grandparents, and one from Ferb.

There was a little slip of paper in Ferb's card.

Phineas unfolded it. There was a small poem.

People say,

That I could have anyone I want,

That I'm a natural womanizer,

You and I,

People say it's a sin,

But I just can't help myself,

 

Since I'm madly in love with you.

 

There was a small drawing of a butterfly.

Phineas smiled and folded the paper back up, putting it into the envelope and putting it back on the nightstand. He took a deep breath in and faltered it out. 

That hurt his lungs.

A nurse came in and gasped. She stumbled back against the door.

"Y-You're awake! Oh my god you're awake!" She quickly ran over to him.

"Are you okay? Do you need any pain medication?" She asked. She took a breath in and sighed. "I'm sorry, but, this is a shock. The doctor said you wouldn't make it..."

"How long have I been, asleep?" Phineas asked.

"Two days," the nurse said as she took his arm to check his pulse. She then turned. "I'll send the doctor in at once!"

Phineas readjusted himself. He stretched and sat back.

The doctor came in. He smiled kindly.

"Hello Phineas, my name is Dr. Wood," he said. Phineas smiled at him. The doctor came over and put his stethoscope on his ears, putting the circular part on Phineas's chest.

"Can you lean forward?" Dr. Wood asked. Phineas did so.

"Deep breath in," he said, putting the circular part on his back. Phineas took a breath in, but coughed half-way through. 

"Well Mr. Flynn, it appears your lungs are damaged, wouldn't surprised me. You inhaled a lot of water," the doctor said.

"I'll call your family, the red button will call a nurse if you need anything," the doctor said. He left the room.

 

It didn't take long for his family to get there. The first one in the room was Ferb, who was practically in tears. Phineas sat up and the first thing he did was entwine his fingers with Ferb. 

Ferb slid a chair up and sat there, staring at him with a smile.

His mom came to his other side and his father beside her.

"Hey guys..." he said, smiling at them.

"Oh honey, I was so worried! We couldn't find you anywhere! Oh my gosh..." His mom said, gripping his other hand. 

"I know...I'm sorry mom..." Phineas muttered, looking down.

"Nothing to be sorry about Phineas," his dad said. "We're glad you're okay."

Phineas smiled. His family stayed for as long as they could, talking of and laughing like it were any normal day.

"So, Candace is coming?" Phineas asked.

"Yes...she learned the hard way," his mom said.

"Learn the hard way?" Phineas asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid this whole mess is all over the news, you wouldn't believe the news stations that are in Danville and want an interview with you and your brother," his dad said.

"I can't even leave the house without being tracked down by some news truck," Ferb said.

"Wait...Ferb! Ferb you saved me!" Phineas said, turning to look at Ferb. "You jumped in after me!"

"Honestly Phineas," Ferb said with a laugh. "You think I'd just let you drown?"

"But you could have been killed!" Phineas said.

"It pays to work out. Doctor said to take it easy for awhile, but I'll be normal again in no time, you on the other hand," Ferb said.

"Yeah I know, my lungs are damaged," Phineas said.

"You're going to have a few breathing problems," his mom said. "But the doctor says an inhaler MAY help, he'd be willing to try it, thought it's more used for asthma."

"Is Rick...?" 

"Rick hasn't shown up since you vanished," Ferb said. 

"Next time he does I'm throwing him out," His mom said. She sighed. "I should have done it a long time ago..."

The nurse walked in. "Mr. and Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, the doctor would like to speak with you," she said. 

"We'll be right back sweetie," Linda said. She and Lawrence stood and walked out with the nurse.

Ferb looked after them to make sure they were gone. He then looked back at Phineas.

"You scared me silly," Ferb said. 

"I know, I'm sorry Ferb, I really am. I just, I couldn't bear it if Rick got legal custody over me..." Phineas said. He looked at his and Ferb's entwined hands.

"Thank you for saving me," Phineas said. 

"I made a promise Phineas, I wouldn't let you drown," Ferb said. More quietly he added, "I love you."

"I love you too," Phineas said. Ferb leaned down against and kissed the top of his forehead. Right as he moved away, Phineas wrapped his arms around him.

"Where would I be without you?" He whispered. Ferb hugged him back. "Not here silly," He responded. 

"I need..." Phineas said as Ferb let go, still holding his hands. 

"Yes?" Ferb asked. 

"I need you," Phineas said. "I need you here beside me, I need to feel you and see you and kiss you and love you...if that makes sense."

"Yes, yes it does," Ferb said. He kissed Phineas and went around to the other side of the bed, getting in behind Phineas. Phineas turned and looked up at him. 

"Careful of the tube," Ferb said. Phineas glanced at it before looking back up at Ferb. Ferb placed a hand against Phineas face and rubbed it lovingly. He then trailed his hand down to lay on Phineas's side. 

Phineas smiled at him, tears in his eyes. He fought to control them.

"Phineas, Phineas love, what's wrong?" Ferb asked.

"I'm just...I'm just a total mess..." Phineas said.

"Hey," Ferb said. "Don't say that. I'm always going to be here, through all of your best and worst times, I'm not just your boyfriend Phineas, I'm also your brother," Ferb said.

"And I'm lucky to have you as both," Phineas said. Ferb smiled warmly at him and ran his hand back up to Phineas's face, rubbing gently.

"We're going to be okay," Ferb said. "I promise."

Phineas pressed closer to Ferb, feeling something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Pure happiness. 

~~~

Ferb came in again the next day bright and early. He had a platypus in one arm and his guitar case in the other.

He set the guitar down and smiled at Phineas, who was eating a small bowl of cereal the nurse had brought for him.

"Morning," Ferb said, sitting in the chair beside Phineas's bed with Perry in his lap.

"Morning," Phineas said. He finished his cereal and set the bowl on the nightstand beside him. 

"This guy wanted to see you," Ferb said, gently taking Perry and placing him in Phineas's lap. Perry chattered.

"Hey Perry, how have you been?" Phineas asked, stroking his pet's head. "Glad ya' missed me."

"I got good news and bad news," Ferb said.

"Good news first," Phineas said.

"You're gonna get out in a few days, the doctor just wants to make sure you've fully recovered," Ferb said.

"Good, I'm going to go mad if I have to sit in bed for more than a week. They won't let me do anything except just lay around. 'We don't want to strain your lungs! No walking that much!' I get my lungs are damaged, but can I at least take a small walk?" Phineas said.

"Won't be long Phineas," Ferb said. "Bad news is your nurse gave me her phone number."

"What? No way! Let me see!" Phineas said. Ferb went into his pocket and pulled out a napkin. Phineas took it. There, carved into the napkin, was a phone number with the words: Call me! A small heart was drawn next to it. 

"Oh my god..." Phineas began laughing, handing the napkin back to Ferb. He finished, and took a deep breath in, breathing out. He repeated the process of breathing over and over, coughing between a few of them.

"Dang lungs..." He muttered. He looked back at Ferb.

"Gonna have to take it easy," Ferb said. He smiled and lightly punched Phineas in the arm. "Silly."

"Dork," Phineas said back with a teasing grin.

"Oh trust me, there's enough dorkiness in this room to make a comic book convention look normal," Ferb said.

"Alrighty then Ferb," Phineas laughed again, but coughed. He then stretched.

"Hey, I brought my guitar," Ferb said, standing and going to his guitar case.

"My singing may be terrible," Phineas said.

"Never," Ferb said. He brought his acoustic guitar over and sat back in the chair, tuning it. Ferb always had perfect pitch, which was why Phineas always tuned to him when he played his own guitar and sang. He alway admired Ferb's pitch, it was never off, and so spending money on a tuner was never an issue. 

He took out his pick from within the strings and began to strum.

"Serenade me," Phineas said with a playful smile.

Ferb grinned at him. 

"Wise men say, only fools rush in~! But I can't help, falling in love with you~!" 

Phineas smiled. "Elvis Presley, nice," he said. 

"Shall I stay~? Would it be a sin~? If I can't help, falling in love with you~!"

Phineas's smile grew a little more, and he looked down.

"Like a river flows~! Surely to the sea~! Darlin' so we go~! Somethings, were meant to be~! Take my hand, take my whole life too~! Cause I can't help, falling in love with you~!" 

Phineas's face was red, and he was smiling so much his face hurt.

"Like a river flows~! Surely to the sea~! Darlin' so we go~! Somethings, were meant to be~! Take my hand, take my whole life too~! Cause I can't help, falling in love~with~you~!" Ferb did a spastic strum before ending the song.

"Wow...thanks," Phineas said. He looked up at Ferb. "I loved it." 

"I got a few more under my fingers," Ferb said. "This next one goes out to all you lovebirds," 

He played "You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart" and some other sappy love song. Then Ferb smiled one of his more evil smiles. Phineas hated and loved those smiles. It either meant he was planning something genius, or something completely and utterly ridiculous. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this next one was a one hit wonder a couple of summers ago," Ferb said as he began strumming. 

"What are you doing?" Phineas asked, slightly laughing.

In his best Phineas voice, Ferb began to sing, "Bow chika bow~! That's what my baby says~! Mow mow mow, and my heart starts pumping~! Chika chika chu wop~! Never gonna stop, gitchee gitchee goo mean's that I love you~!" 

"Stop," Phineas said. He was laughing. "We said we wouldn't speak of it again."

"I'm not speaking of it, I'm singing it," Ferb said. "To my silly," 

"Yes, I am your silly," Phineas said. 

"That's right," Ferb said. "Don't forget it." Phineas grinned.

~~~

The whole group came the next day. But not just Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford, but everyone. Django stopped by, Irving did, even the Fireside Girls. 

But mainly Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford were the ones who stayed the longest.

"I'm glad you're okay Phineas," Isabella said, sitting on his bed and holding his hand. Phineas didn't really seem uncomfortable to Ferb, he must have took it more as a friendly gesture.

"Really scared us Dinnerbell, hell if Ferb hadn't jumped in after ya', not sure if we'd be havin' this conversation," Buford said, leaned up against the wall. Baljeet nodded to this, sitting in a chair in the corner. 

"Yeah, a brother is a brother, but I couldn't ask for a better one besides Ferb," Phineas said, looking at his brother. 

Buford furrowed his eyebrow. This wasn't uncommon for them to so, but something about it was different. There was something more in Phineas's eyes than admiration. 

"So, you and your brother are all over the news. That must be a pain," Isabella said. 

"Bloody hell, they're all over the place. It was bad enough all those girls like me, but now I've got the news chasing me down," Ferb said. 

"You're famous now," Buford said. "You're all over the internet and social media."

"Yesterday at my psychology club we spent the whole time talking about it," Baljeet said. 

"I don't get why people glorify what I did. I did what any other brother would have done," Ferb said. "They act like I'm a superhero."

"You are a superhero," Phineas said. "You're my superhero." Ferb smiled. 

"Corny," Buford said. 

There was argument coming from the hall. Ferb moved from his spot, walking to th door. "I'll be back, you guys hang out," he said. 

He left the room and began walking down the hall. 

~~~

There was a newscast waiting for him. A girl with her hair done and make-up looked up when he left the room and immediately raced over to him.

"Hello!" She said. She held a microphone. "My name is Courtney, I'm from the Major News Channel, we would love an interview with you. You're Ferb Fletcher right?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah," Ferb said. "Actually it's Flyn-"

"Great!" She gave the cameraman a signal. "Hello America! This is Courtney Floss with the famous Ferb Fletcher, who's receiving major attention for a heroic act! Tell me, Mr. Fletcher, what exactly happened that night, when your brother jumped from that bridge?" She held the microphone to him.

"Uh, he wanted to die, to end his life, so I jumped in after him to save him..." Ferb said. "Could we reschedule this?" Ferb asked.

"Wait-! One more question-!" 

Ferb pushed past the news crew, more focused on the person in front of him. 

Rick was standing there, a cigarette in his mouth. He was grinning, almost like he was happy to see Ferb. But it wasn't a happy happy, it was more of a "look what the cat dragged in" happy.

"Aw, here's the welcome wagon," Rick said, leaning against the wall.

Ferb was about to punch him, but the moment his fist went to move Rick grabbed is wrist.

"You wanna try me Brit?" Rick asked. Ferb spat in his face. Rick let go and rubbed the saliva off his face.

"Alright then, let's fucking dance," Rick said. He took out a pocketknife. Ferb stared at it, then looked back up at him. 

But Rick didn't even need the pocketknife. It was more for show. He punched Ferb in the face, sending the teenager back against the wall. Ferb was dazed, his vision blurred by the impact.

Rick smiled and kicked him in the stomach. Ferb fell against the floor, coughing. Blood leaked from his mouth and dripped onto the floor. Ferb touched it and licked his bottom lip, the taste of iron in his mouth.

"Are you still fighting?" Rick asked. He kicked Ferb again, this time in the face. There came a crunching sound, and blood again dripped to the floor. He grabbed Ferb by the collar and looked at his face. His lip was bleeding, and his nose was broken.

"Aw, I damaged that pretty face of yours," Rick said. "Would be a shame if I further ruined it." 

He punched Ferb in the face again, sending the teenager against the floor. Ferb was dazed, he couldn't think straight, the world around him was swirling. Rick grinned. The teenagers one eye was blackened, swollen shut. He looked at Rick.

"Jesus, are you okay son?" Rick asked. He kicked Ferb again.

"Aw man, taking it like a champ!" Rick said. He looked at Ferb. "Yeah, fucking try it again." 

Ferb gripped onto something, a wall. He found his way to his feet again, dazed. He looked at Rick.

"Fuck. You."

Rick turned, looking amazed at how the boy was still fighting. Ferb began walking towards him. 

"Get the fuck away from my family."

Rick prepared to hurt the boy again, but Ferb's fist was already in his face. There was such strength behind the blow, such anger. There was a loud snap.

"AH!" Rick gripped his jaw. "You bro'e my 'aw! You 'ucker!" Rick yelled. 

Ferb grinned. He jammed his foot under Rick's rib cage. Now it was Rick against the floor coughing. Ferb laid into him, delivering a series of blows and kicks to the man he hated. 

He absolutely hated him. More than anyone should hate something. Seeing Rick there, in that weakened state, in so much agony.

It gave him a sense of joy. 

His father, his mother, and a doctor had to pry him away from Rick, who was terribly mauled. 

Ferb's knuckles were bloody and raw. His mouth had red dripping out of it, and he couldn't see out of his one eye. His nose hurt terribly, and all he could taste was iron. 

But he was smiling. When he was taken to treat his wounds, he broke into a hysterical fit of laughter. He looked partially insane, with the beaten knuckles and the bloody broken face.

"Ferb, sweetie, calm down," his mom said. "Try to relax..." 

Ferb just kept laughing, tears streaming from his eyes. 

"Ferb, son, I need you to keep together," Lawrence said, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking at him. His mother walked out of the room. A few more moments, and Phineas was in the room, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet behind him. He stared at his brother, who was laughing so hard he was gripping his sides.

"Ferb...Ferb...?" Phineas whispered, walking towards his brother with an arm stretched out. Ferb stopped laughing and looked at him, but his face looked like he was still holding back his laughter.

"Ferb..." Phineas said, touching Ferb's shoulder. His laughter was gone, and was replaced with tears.

Terrible tears that Phineas recognized too well. He was crying because he was done with this, he was done with Rick, he was done with the constant fighting, he was done with all of it.

Phineas was done too.

Phineas hugged his brother, his boyfriend, his everything. Ferb hugged him back, crying into his shoulder.

"It'll be okay," Phineas whispered, running his hand up and down Ferb's back. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, only one more chapter left!  
> I'm so thankful for everyone who followed this stort from start to finish. Keep an eye out for the sequel!


	14. Still Breathing

"It seems," the doctor said as he listened to Phineas's lungs. "You're strong enough to leave by tomorrow." 

Ferb smiled, watching Phineas's face turn bright as he heard that news. 

"Really?! That's great!" He said. The doctor smiled, putting his stethoscope around his neck and taking his clipboard by the end of his bed. 

"There are a few-" he paused. "-rules however. You recall I told you your lungs have been damaged due to the water?" 

Phineas nodded. 

"Well, the damage is, for the most part permanent. Your lungs and respiratory will will learn to cope, but you still may never be the same," the doctor said, looking at his clipboard. 

"So...just some breathing problems right?" Phineas asked, tilting his head to the side. 

"Afraid not. You see the water damaged your entire respiratory system. A lot of breathing problems yes, but also lung pain and light-headedness from time to time. I wouldn't recommend any physically straining activities or even anything that puts strain on your lungs for awhile. It could tire them out and you'll be left gasping...last thing we need is for you to pass out," the doctor said. 

"So that means...basically don't do any physical activity," Phineas said, sitting back with a small sigh. "Great..."

"No, but I wouldn't recommend vigorous work-outs until your next appointment," the doctor said. "Which will be in a few months if I am correct." He looked to Phineas.

"I'll have a full lay-out typed for you when you leave, breathing exercises and some rules," he said. "I believe your therapist is here also to see you, Dr. Norris. Shall I send her in?" 

Phineas nodded. "Please do."

The doctor nodded and walked out. A few minutes later, Dr. Norris walked in, a smile over her face. Phineas smiled back, giving a small wave.

"Hey Phineas," she said. "How are you doing?" 

"Better..." Phineas said. Ferb stood up and excused himself. "I'm gonna go make a lunch stop, you want anything Phineas?"

"Surprise me," Phineas said. Ferb smiled and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Dr. Norris took a seat behind him.

"How are you?" She asked again.

"Truthfully? Better, being almost dead helped me realize all I have to live for..." he said, toying with his hands in his lap. "I was just so beat up...I hate my father, Rick I mean. I never thought I could hate another human being, but I discovered that life has a funny way of surprising you," Phineas said.

Dr. Norris smiled to that. "Now I wanted to talk about something else...you mentioned to me once you were experimenting...may I ask with whom?"

Phineas looked down, clutching his right hand in his left, swallowing hard. 

"Phineas, this is a judgement free zone, you can tell me anything, and I promise I won't tell your parents or anybody, this stays between you and me," Dr. Norris said.

"I...I kissed Ferb once," Phineas said.

"You just kissed him?" Dr. Norris asked. Phineas shut his eyes.

"...and maybe had sex with him. I couldn't help it! I was so confused, there was such an emptiness in me and Ferb just filled it...the way he loved me and took care of me...and then I began to experience sexual feelings for him..." Phineas said, the words coming out of his mouth as such a high speed he couldn't stop them. "Oh god...I'm sorry..."

"Phineas, you don't have to be sorry for anything," Dr. Norris said. She sat back. "Your feelings are totally valid."

"Really?" Phineas asked, looking up at her.

"Of course, if you...love Ferb like that, then that's...okay," she said. 

"It's weird isn't it?" Phineas asked.

"Just isn't normal, that's all," Dr. Norris said. She smiled. "It's going to be alright."

Phineas looked down again. He had a headache. 

"Well, I'm glad to see you're getting better!" Dr. Norris said with a smile. She reached into a bag she had brought, taking something out. "As a little 'Get Well Soon' present-" she said, taking a small wrapped gift-box out. '-I bought you something I think you'll like."

Phineas smiled politely and said "Thank you," before delicately ripping open the package. 

"Your brother told me awhile back that you like to write poetry," Dr. Norris said. "So I thought maybe you'd like this."

"No way," Phineas said. It was a journal, and it had a picture of him and Ferb on it. He remembered that photo, it was from their eighth grade graduation. Phineas could still see traces of the punk-rock style he had back in middle school. It had quickly faded of course, becoming a simple phase in his life. Gosh he had been a weird kid back then. 

"This is awesome!" Phineas said, squeezing it delicately. "I love it! Thank you!"

Dr. Norris smiled. She nodded and picked up her stuff. "Well, I have to go. Call me if you need to, okay?" She said. Phineas nodded. 

As she walked out, Phineas bit his bottom lip. 

"Hey Dr. Norris?"

She turned back. "Yes Phineas?"

"You aren't, you aren't going to tell my parents or anyone about...Ferb and I...right?"

"It stays between me and you," Dr. Norris said. "I promise."

Phineas nodded again. "Thank you."

She turned and left. 

~~~

Ferb came back with lunch, and Candace. She was hugging Phineas the moment she was in the room. 

"You scared me half-to-death," she said. 

"Sorry," Phineas said. 

Candace let go and sighed. "I can't leave without my stupid brothers doing something that ends up on the five o'clock news." 

"You know you love us," Ferb said as he sat down. Candace sat down on the other chair beside Phineas. "I guess I do," she said. "So our actual dad came back..."

"Yes and he's terrible. Don't even try to meet him," Phineas said. 

"Wasn't planning on it. He comes near me and I'll slap him," Candace said. 

"I'd love to see that," Ferb said as he handed Phineas a sandwich. Phineas unwrapped it and began to eat. "This is so much better than hospital food..."

"Oh, got you this," Ferb said. He pulled out a candy bar from the sandwich bag. Phineas took it with a smile. "Dude I love these!"

"Ferb you're gonna give him a sugar-high, and he'll be bouncing off the walls," Candace said, taking a piece of hair and pushing it behind her ear. 

"Well I'll deal with that later," Ferb said. 

"How's college?" Phineas asked. 

"Horrible," Candace said. "Never go."

"Wow, must be-"

"I'm joking Phineas."

Ferb laughed and sipped his hot drink that he had gotten. 

"Anyway, I have one question. How did Ferb get so...grown-up?" Candace asked. "You looked way different when I saw you last. You were lanky and really tall..."

"I began to work-out...?" Ferb said. "Is that an answer? I don't know, puberty just hit me like a truck." 

"Yeah, he goes through six razors a day," Phineas said. 

"I do not!" Ferb said. 

"He's lying," Phineas said. 

Candace laughed and stretched. She checked her watch. "Shoot, I gotta go, Jeremy's probably done at his haircut."

"Has he...popped the question?" Ferb asked. 

"What? Marriage? No way," Candace said as she stood up. "Not yet anyway." She began to leave. "I'll stop by tonight, okay?" She asked, stopping at the door and looking back at him. 

"Yeah, cool!" Phineas said. She smiled and left. 

~~~

"Ready to go home?" Ferb asked Phineas in the car. 

"You know it!" Phineas said, looking out the window. It was much sunnier, the bout of clouds and rainy days long gone. Everything looked beautiful, green and saturated with color and alive, just how summer should be. 

"Rick's not there, mum finally kicked him out," Ferb said. Phineas smiled. He just kept looking around the window, loving everything. Loving being alive still, loving summer, loving everything. 

"Hey, I added something to our room. A little 'welcome home' present," Ferb said. 

"What is it?" Phineas asked, turning to look at him. 

"You'll have to wait," Ferb said. Phineas stared at Ferb, a smile over his face still. He just studied Ferb, taking in every detail about him. How broad his shoulders were, how his hair was well groomed, how his facial hair was just coming through to give him scruff. 

He loved him. He loved him more than anything, he loved him to the end of time. 

"What are you looking at?" Ferb asked with a smile. 

"You and how perfect you are," Phineas said. 

"Why thank you, you're not too bad yourself," Ferb said. Phineas sat back, still smiling, slowly shutting his eyes. 

"Never thought I'd see the day when Phineas Vincent Flynn would fall asleep in the middle of the day," Ferb said. Phineas laughed. 

"Hey! How do you know my middle name?" Phineas asked. 

"Phineas, I've known you how long? I've heard mum say it so many times," Ferb said. "Do you not know my middle name?"

"Eh...well..." Phineas muttered. 

Ferb snorted. 

"Will you tell me?" Phineas asked. 

"Nope," Ferb said. 

"Aw what? Why not?" Phineas asked. 

"It's a secret," Ferb said. 

"That's not fair," Phineas said. 

"I'll give you a hint, my initials are F, N, F," Ferb said. 

"N? Norman?" Phineas asked. 

"Nope." 

"Nigel?" 

"Nope."

Phineas sighed and leaned back. "Is it super obvious?"

"Maybe."

"You're a big help," Phineas said. Ferb grinned. 

"You know you love me."

Phineas sighed. "Yes, yes I do."

~~~

That night his family had take-out. They watched a marathon of monster movies, old black and white ones and modern color ones. Jeremy joined them with Candace. He was in school to major in graphic design, which Candace was proud of. 

Then that night, Phineas laid next to Ferb on Ferb's bed, curled against him happy to be home. 

"Hey, you still awake?" Ferb asked. 

"Yeah," Phineas said, looking up at him. 

"Watch this," Ferb said. He reached into the nightstand, grabbing a remote and clicking a button. The roof opened up, revealing a galaxy of stars. They were brighter than the last time Phineas saw them. He smiled. 

"They're beautiful!" Phineas said. 

"A galaxy for my star," Ferb said. Phineas laughed, pressing closer to him. "It's amazing Ferb."

They laid there for quite some time, stargazing. Eventually, Ferb spoke. 

"Nicholas," Ferb said. 

"What?" Phineas asked, looking up at him. 

"My middle name is Nicholas," Ferb said. 

"Oh...that was obvious..." Phineas said. 

"Silly," Ferb said, kissing Phineas's forehead. 

"Yeah...I am," Phineas said.

~~~

The next day, Ferb offered they went for a drive. 

It was a familiar road, Phineas swore they took that road before that summer. He couldn't place his finger on it. But it was like deja-vu. 

"Where are we going?" Phineas asked. 

"You'll see," Ferb said. 

They pulled into a golf-course. 

"Oh wow," Phineas said with a laugh. "How could I not know?"

Ferb grinned. 

~~~

"You know...this summer has been a major adventure..." Phineas said, sitting beside Ferb and sipping a milkshake they were sharing. He watched the field that was spread out beyond the hill, the same hill Ferb had told him about his mother. 

"Yeah...tiring one," Ferb said. "School doesn't start for awhile though, still have a lot more of summer left."

Phineas leaned into Ferb. "Yeah...and I got you as a boyfriend now..." Phineas said. Ferb wrapped his arm around him. 

"This...can't stay secret forever, you know that right?" Ferb asked. 

"Yeah, I figured that," Phineas said. "But not now, not after..."

"Yeah," Ferb said. "You know, there's always prom," Ferb said. 

"Prom?" Phineas asked, looking up at him. 

"Prom, where lots of people make major statements," Ferb said. 

"Coming out at prom...that would be a sight," Phineas said. He smiled. "That's awhile away."

Ferb kissed his brother's forehead, pulling Phineas closer and wrapped his other arm around him. 

"Everything's going to be different now...isn't it?" Phineas asked. 

"How so love?" Ferb asked. 

"I mean, I almost committed suicide, people are going to treat us different now. They're going to see me as unstable and treat me like a mentally unstable person who has a gun aimed at his forehead," Phineas said. 

"They'll change in time. Things change, the future changes," Ferb said. "We just have to change with it."

"Yeah I guess so," Phineas said. He smiled. "I'm still breathing anyway." 

"Course you are," Ferb said. "I'll make sure you keep breathing till the day I die."

"No, I wanna live for as long as you," Phineas said, looking up at Ferb, who looked down at Phineas. They shared a tender exchange, Phineas's bright blue eyes staring affectionately into Ferb's. 

That tenderness was shared in a kiss, which was more than anything Phineas could ever want. He loved Ferb, he loved him till the end of space, and there was no doubt in his mind that he was truly in love with him. 

"I love you Phineas Flynn," Ferb whispered when they broke away, lips still close and eyes staring into each other's. 

"I love you too," Phineas whispered. They kissed again under the setting sun. The milkshake was still sitting in the grass beside Phineas, long forgotten. Phineas wrapped his hand around Ferb's head, fingers running through his soft hair. 

A small purple butterfly, fluttered over the two teens, drifting lazily off into the horizon towards the sun. 

-FIN-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys! That's it! Drown has been completed!
> 
> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO LEFT KUDOS AND BOOKMARKS AND COMMENTS. 
> 
> You have no idea how much it means to me that this got 57 kudos!! It was my first story and I never expected it to do so well!!
> 
> That being said, the series isn't over! The next installment, entitled Prom, focuses around the relationship and the after effects of Rick. The first chapter should be out soon! 
> 
> Again, thank you all SO MUCH!!!! I hope to see you all on the next book!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first story on here! :D I hope it's as good as I hope it is! My friend recommended I check out this site, so here I am!
> 
> I look forward to seeing where this takes me! 
> 
> This is Mahogany signing off.


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